Dominoes

Thanks for inviting me into your alcove. Now let me tell you a little about this company that I work for, before I ask you to fill out an order form. 

It’s called Transnational Dominoes Vendor. We supply the whole globe with high quality dominoes. I myself am presently just an entry-level salesman, but I hope someday to be the Chief Executive Officer. You can achieve that level of success by way of hard work, if you live in the U.S., which is the only truly free country. 

Pardon me for being a little teary-eyed; I’m more emotional than usual, because my wife and I just had our first child last night — a daughter. We named her Bahama Islands the Fifth, or, for short, Bahama Vee. My wife is in jail for winking at a police officer — that’s why I’m out here selling when I really should be celebrating. 

Hey, this is off the subject, but: Do you have things that you care about deeply, in this life? I do, too. My favorite Pokémon guy is Charizard. Plus I have a passion for tailored pants, because I believe it’s important for people to be able to make their hips look either narrower or wider than they actually are. For aesthetic purposes. 

But this is going to be a hard year, coming up, because I don’t think that, after what she did, the department is likely to let my wife play in the Police League. She’s really good at softball, so it’s going to be a downer if she’s barred from participating. I’m treading dangerous ground by even mentioning this fact to you, so I better get on with the sales pitch…

Alright, check it out: Dominoes. 

What neighborhood does not have grown men playing dominoes on every street corner? Riddle me that. You can’t name a single place, can you! Well, if you’re telling the truth about your own neighborhood being the sole exception, which I respectfully doubt, then, still, it’s morally imperative for you to introduce the game of dominoes to your fellow cliff-dwellers. I don’t see why the pastime couldn’t take root here, as well. 

Dominoes is such an incredible game. It gives your mental faculties a workout. It’s like line dancing for the mind. But I mean the intensely demanding, high-kicking variety of line dancing: Country & Western style. You slam your dominoes down hard, when you decide to play them. Yeah, like THAT — right there, smack dab on the sandstone. 

And all your so-called friends are trying to win, when it’s their turn to play; but if they fail, then you yourself get to take another try. 

Full-contact dominoes, when performed in a cage match, is superior to rolling dice, in my opinion. And it mixes well with the big brass harmonies that you cliff-dwellers seem to be fond of; thus, those ragtime barbershop quartets that jam on your village’s causeway from sunup to sundown would not even need to be evicted. 

Now, here’s an order form. If you just fill out the quantity of truckloads that you wish to be delivered, we’ll set you up with a loan — the terms will be fair, don’t worry: just trust me — and then you can choose from a set of three designer “Dominoes Brand” hoodies to sport in the promotional photo that we’ll allow you to star in. We’ll superimpose your image next to a picture of our product and place this ad in a slew of ragtime barbershop magazines, which will be distributed all over the village. Additionally, we’ll install murals across the cliffside depicting your kinfolk playing dominoes. This will increase the demand not only for the actual bones (that’s what the game’s pieces are called) but also for our new line of comfortwear.