Now that the holiday has concluded, you might be wondering which way to rate it: “Fantastic” or “Flop.” — In this essay, I shall explain how to determine whether or not your event was a success.
First, examine your trousers: are you able to stand up in them and dance around a little? Do they seem nice and dry? Do they smell pleasant? Then you’re good to go. You must have eaten some tasty grits.
Now walk down a hallway that contains your parents. Tell them to step aside. If they move out of the way fairly quickly and allow you to pass, you’ve got what it takes. Also be sure that your Uncle Ron still exists and is looking spry. Relationships are crucial.
Next, take a white towelette and touch it to the house’s various furnishings. No discoloration should occur. If desired, use a baster to squirt a stream of turkey-dirt. This is fun.
Just an idea for next year: I heard that they’ve now invented spray-on breeches.
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