Perukes

What is this sublime headpiece that I’m wearing? It’s called a peruke. I could refer to it as a wig, or more specifically as “that iconic style of white wig worn by British judges”, but I prefer the term peruke — like the headpiece itself, it brings with it a sense of formality and solemnity. 

I don’t know why everybody isn’t wearing one of these things. Perukes should become the fashion again, like they were in the olden days. Instead, modern folks wear cowboy hats, or ball caps with logos printed all over them, or those awful do-rags that resemble head-hosiery (like bandanas, these serve no purpose whatsoever; at least visors have a brim to shade the eyes — but I don’t endorse visors one jot more than any of the aforementioned items). All these types of headgear are base; they are vulgar; they make you appear to be stupid and penniless. 

Yet suppose that you truly are stupid and penniless — my point is that you need not so blatantly advertise this fact: Just wear a peruke, so that you can exhibit the aura of majesty.