Holly Balls

Sing the famous carol with me: “Balls of holly, holly balls / Holy man, I love them all.”

The first time I saw the Xmas decoration known as holly balls, I was just a toddler. When I asked my parents what these things were, they said: “Holly balls are a representation of freedom.” The idea is that when one regards their appearance, the world seems like a better place than it actually is. So, as the man in the advertisement says: “Go get yourself some holly balls, and look at them with your face very close to them.”

Let’s sing the other famous song now: “Holly, holly, holly, / Them balls is nice, by golly. / Here and there, large and strong; / Everywhere, the whole night long; / Swollen up with too much Xmas spirit.”

Imagine a big old ball stuffed full of holly, waving in the wind. At this point, you might want to drain your swimming pool and refill it with holly balls. Please do so. Enter bodily and float there. I’ll toss you this tailor’s dummy, so that you can have a friend.

In conclusion, anyone who has a family member to offer this Xmas should consider a donation of holly balls that are fun to sniff.