Let’s say that you’re like me: you buy a small house and live in it for fifteen years, and then you realize that you need to decorate the walls, in order to make your house a home. What do you do? One idea would be to hang paintings from the walls. But how should you choose which paintings to exhibit? A man on the street tells me that I should display whichever works of art appeal to me. But every solution seems to lead to more problems, because now I must figure out what type of art I find appealing. What can one do!—I need an art critic to tell me what my taste should be. Or even better than an art critic would be if I could get access to the sales reports for paintings: I would look at the revenue figures for the most recent quarter and then buy whatever generated the most money. That way, my choice of home decorations would remain beyond reproach.
OK, so that problem is solved. Now, what should we do about pornography? For everyone desires the boons of a pornographic world, yet everyone equally wants to hold the public opinion that pornography is evil. This dilemma is easier to remedy than the one about what type of paintings to hang from one’s wall. The answer is: Abstain from viewing pornography; but participate sinlessly in all of the various acts that comprise pornography, by utilizing the tools of marriage and divorce. Here’s how it works. Marry the woman who is performing the scene with you; then divorce her when the scene concludes; at this point, immediately wed whichever woman is scheduled to star with you in the upcoming scene. If you ever are required to shoot another scene in the future with a woman whom you’ve already wed and divorced, then simply remarry her. As Jesus says (in Matt. 19:12), “He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.”
And if you live in a cold climate, put on a coat. It’s OK to dress in multiple layers of clothing. I myself wear earmuffs, to cover my ears, and then a hat over that, to keep my head warm. I wear two pairs of gloves, and my hands are still freezing. (I lose a finger per day, on average, to severe frostbite.) But that’s because of what I’m required to do for a living. My job is to dip my hands into water and stand outside during the wintertime in Minnesota, when the temp is below Zero Centigrade. Now you ask: What type of employment is this? All I know is that it pays the bills; so I don’t ask questions. Why not find another job? There are no other jobs available in this region. Why not move someplace else? All around the world, it’s the same song.
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Do people like to make points and win arguments? I honestly can’t tell if they’re enjoying themselves or not. What do you earn, if your point wins an argument? Are you rewarded with a piece of hard candy, or a cherry dipped in chocolate? — If that is the case, then I understand the appeal: I should brush up on my argumentative skills, so as to keep alive the U.S. tradition of pursuing happiness.
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I have one last question for you. Which do you prefer: reading quietly to yourself, or reading aloud to others? — I like reading aloud, because when I try to read quietly, my thots always interfere with the text. Imagine two people trying to talk to you at once: One person is the book that you’re trying to read, and the other is your fancy. This is confusing; neither message gets delivered. But reading aloud is like adding a third person to the situation above: this person represents your voice, which speaks the same message as the book; so now we have two of the three people speaking loud and clear the very same words in unison — the author and your spirit merge to form one Textual Tongue — thus, your fancy gets drowned out, censored and shadow-banned . . . thunderstruck: electrocuted. You could even exile the troublemaker from this universe by tossing your fancy in the back of a paddy wagon.
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