Vultures are large birds of prey that feed mostly on carrion. The critical consensus is that these animals are scum; they’re bad and annoying. Some even say they’re the worst.
Now, I have no qualm with any of the above statements, except for that last one: Vultures are NOT the worst living creatures. For, even fouler than carrion-eating birds of prey are light-skinned humans. Although civilized people find the behavior of vultures unappealing, light-skinned humans threaten the existence of civilization itself.
Don’t get me wrong: I still think that vultures are bad; however, light-skinned humans are so much worse that, in comparison, they make vultures look good.
For instance, vultures never set steel man-traps all over their land and then witness and wait.
Therefore, in conclusion, if a light-skinned human ever dies in his sleep from natural causes, we should send out some vultures to eat him. I only say this because the man is already dead.
OK, let’s sing the jingle:
Vultures fly swooping fast on corpses
Blood sipping beaks tear elastic parchment
Circling, waiting for the souls to perish
Dive-bombing sick rodents, fighting for mouse brains
Raggedy feathers; claws ripping intestines
Devouring flesh-heaps, competing for excrement
Noxious obscenity — the filth of heaven
& the flesh they reject is passed on to The Sushi Guys*
[*Note: the jingle mentions “The Sushi Guys” because they shall be the subject of my next essay.]
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