We Put the X in Xmas

Yo, what’s up. I’m here with my team. We put the X in Xmas. That means that we’re the ones responsible for ensuring that every good boy on our surveillance list gets a free gift. If you’re one of the lucky recipients, we slam your presents straight down your chimney. “Ooh!” you’ll say, “Look at this fresh-dipped gear, straight from the butter churn!” Then you’ll applaud.

Without us, “Xmas” would be just plain old “mas.” We add the “X.” Put it all together and give us a kiss. It’s a fact: You can look it up, we don’t care — the truth doesn’t need to hide; only lies need to hide. So you’ll find that what we say adds up and checks out. It’ll brighten your day. Now please join us in singing our company’s jingle:

Merry Xmas, everyone.
Merry Xmas, in the sun.
Merry Xmas, up and down.
Merry Xmas, ’round the town.
Merry Xmas to your mom.
Merry Xmas, Vietnam.
Merry Xmas in the rain.
Merry Xmas to your stepfather Duane.