Hello, I have a first name and a last name, and I’m here to talk about an alternative to Xmas, for all those who would rather celebrate a different holiday. I call this new tradition “Alt-mas.” It does not lack vitality and glamor. The instructions are as follows. You must fast all day and all night long, for an entire weekend. It’s more fun than it sounds. Then you acquire a drape, and drape it over yourself.
Next, everybody fasts for the rest of the week. This goes on for seventeen weeks. At last, we all sniff holly balls.
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