Do you have a girlfriend with whom you like to hold hands? Perhaps the two of you even hug. Are you afraid that such affection will lead to premarital fornication and thus earn you a place in Hell when you expire? Suppose you answer: “Nothing can save me from an afterlife of torment, because I have hardened my heart,” and you lose sleep worrying that your carnal trysts will result in impregnation (which could bring forth a Devil Child); nevertheless, you are firmly against wearing any type of device that would countervail fertility, such as a harness with a blocking partition made of obsidian. If this is the case, then here’s what I recommend:
Periodically ingest capsules of brand-name chemicals. This will work to confuse your hormones. What happens is that the drug scrambles the lines of communication between the family trees of you and your feminine partner. It’s basically the opposite of sex. Then all the uncleanliness goes away, and your chances of conception are virtually reduced. Plus things don’t smell so gross afterwards.
In conclusion, before you go out to the disco club and wiggle your body, remember that a great responsibility attends this great power: swallow your sterilizing tablets. After that, you can do as many of the new poor-folk dances as you can stomach. And if your friends choose to waive off oral contraception while engaging in venery, so that they end up inciting the miracle of unwanted life, then, with a clear conscience, you can turn up your nose and scorn them.
No comments:
Post a Comment