Backwash Beer

Backwash Beer is surprisingly neato. This bottle tastes like phlegm and cheese-flavored cornmeal. Everyone should go buy some and drink it down, because Adult Beverage Magazine officially crowned it “The Beer of the Year.” I wonder why it took so long for someone to dream up this idea: backwashing beer into bottles of gore. Well-fed employees are instructed to swish and spit until its aroma has the desired hint of seafood. This is my favorite new drink awaiting safety approval. It tastes a bit like Smoking Sour Beer combined with mucus and recycled pasteboard. If you say that you haven’t tried Backwash Beer, then you’re mistaken — I can prove it: here, look at this jug that you just drained dry; when I remove the sticker that reads “Grapefruit Juice,” which I placed over the actual label, you see that it says “Backwash Beer” beneath. Now I command you to follow suit: share this potion with all of your family and friends. If anyone should refuse to partake, then, truly, I tell you: it shall be more tolerable for Sodom and Gomorrah, on the Day of Judgment, than for that person. Backwash Beer is available at every boutique that sells second-hand undergarments.