Bicycle

I just purchased a brand-new bicycle. It has exactly two wheels, this time — unlike my other experiences in bike-shopping, when I brought home a tricycle, which had three wheels, and a unicycle, which had only one (you shouted at me: “No, no, no! That’s entirely wrong!” and I had to go back and return these items). This bicycle is quicker than the flashes of lightning that are hurled by Zeus. I must concentrate hard to keep it under control; for it has a tendency to zigzag. It is colored glittery gold, to match my hairstyle and my shoes. Hey! I happened to catch a glimpse of the dumpster that you keep in front of your garage, just this morning, as I was walking past my main window, and I noticed that you have tossed your own bike in the trash, because it got covered in muck when you rode down to the swamp to escape those flocks of pigeons who were chasing you. Look at my bike, though: it has a fog-light in the front, for night-riding. Also: silver spokes, wheelie pegs, and a seat.

One more fact that I like about my favorite new means of transport is that dead people have now been banned from riding bicycles. This is true in most countries. So you won’t see any more young punks in bloody dresses falling over and breaking their legs after trying to show off by performing tricks that are beyond their skill level.