Pepper Beer

“Oh my stars,” I say, blinking and gasping, “I don’t know how much more of this new drink I can handle! It’s P-P-Pepper Beer, and it has the p-p-perfect taste. This beer’s natural color is speckled with little black freckles. It is great for bleeding ulcers; so drink it all year round. (It’s rather piquant.) If you’re a warrior, it will help you to attack. If you’re a lawyer, it will win your court case for you. And, if you’re a drum machine, it will make your rhythms much more boopy and bobbable. Pour out a pint — what a bite! Shake some extra pepper over the top. Its tone resembles a bullet of chrome wagging faster than a metronome chasing a mobile home into some spicy foam. Gulp it down; then leap over and give opponents a body shot. Available with either green or black p-p-peppercorns. Jalapeño Beer, never stale Pepper Ale. Yum: freshen up your breath. The answer is: I do accept your marriage proposal.”