Sunlight

Behold the sunlight burning your flesh with its ultraviolet rays. Run to the tanning lotion for protection — it won’t help; it’s too late. 

One time, I waited until the sun melted away like ice, and then I came outside and started selling my hoecakes in the dark; but, as soon as I looked up at the sky, the black night became white noon, and the sunlight shot down and scorched my face.

“Ah, but what would we do without bright sunny days?” You might say: “We’d probably die and go mad with fright! How would our plants ever grow up? And how would we ever find our way to the mall?” — Yet I myself say: If the sun were to stop behind a cloud and refuse to fight anymore, like Achilleus during the ten-year war in Troy, then our earthly situation would drastically change for the better: We could all just stroll around unclothed and not have to worry about getting laughed at or groped, because the atmosphere would be so dark that all objects would feel nonexistent. I could then claim that this harlot whom I married is, in fact, the Holy Spirit; and you would believe me, since your powers of discernment would not be stunned into perplexity by the sight of her splendor.

NOTE WELL: photons of light can surpass the speed of certain types of bullets.