The Virtues of a Liberal Arts Degree

I will now explain why it is a wise choice to remain in an institute of indoctrination. If you don’t drop out, you will acquire an amazing assortment of trivial tidbits. 

I myself took a class and learned how to process info, and now I stay up late at night studying paperwork. If this sounds too hard, just keep paying attention and you will be rewarded. As long as you attempt to attend each class, there’s really no way that you can’t earn a passing grade. 

Now, after hearing that last claim, you might reply: “But I am generally slack-witted, and I have bungled every life-goal I’ve ever attempted; therefore, how could I hope to succeed at this path that you’re recommending?” — “Shush,” I say: “Now listen up: Even you can probably find a way to slip under the radar; although it’ll be extremely difficult: Liberal arts is a serious pursuit.” — “But I’ll need a loan,” you argue, “which I’ll then go broke trying to pay off.” — “That is a common problem,” I assure you; “there’s nothing unique about your dilemma.” — “Then how do I do it?” — “Listen carefully,” I now reveal the most crucial advice: “Once you graduate with your degree, you should be able to find gainful employment; at this point, you can work hard to pay off your debt.” — “But what if there are no jobs available; or the ones that exist don’t pay well?”

Stay awake, now; pull up your pants and tighten your belt. I, for one, believe in the liberal arts. They make you generally intelligent. You take a wide variety of classes, and, like I said, virtually everyone is granted a passing grade. You get to learn about new corporate perspectives; bask in forty-eight elective credits; plus, select a subject to specialize in. I chose to become an expert in psychology, because I enjoy bad behavior. My aim is to be either a practitioner of mind control, or a gynecologist. But without my degree in liberal arts, it is likely that I would not even know how to read yet. I would probably work in sanitation, or else just play video games on my parents’ television. Now, however, because I chose the correct route in life, I am conversant with several books by prominent Frenchmen.