One day, I built a time-traveling machine and decided to take it for a spin. So I pressed the buttons and set my destination for earlier. Next thing you know, I’m whirling through a tunnel made out of fireworks.
When I landed, I saw Homer and Virgil fighting. Even though they were both born far apart, in different eras, somehow both ended up right here; and they were engaged in battle. Homer won, because he’s wiser and stronger.
But I knew that something sublime was afoot when the shade of Dante rowed forth and waged an attack. Yet Homer knocked him out.
Then, all of a sudden, here’s Jerry Lewis: he’s wearing his costume from The Bellboy (1960). Now Homer defeats him.
Therefore Homer wins the past. So, if you ever meet a blind ancient poet, you will know who he is: he shall be wearing a champion belt, and the corpses lying nearby will be gruesomely wounded. For Homer vanquished his rivals and even a suppliant: Here lie Virgil, Dante, and Jerry Lewis.
I myself could never have achieved such a victory, without practicing. However, incidentally, after the war, I did help Homer file his taxes. And that is no small accomplishment; for, if you’re familiar with Athens (where Homer claims residence), you know that it has a notoriously labyrinthine tax code. — If you doubt anything that I’ve said, just read Aristophanes.
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