You think the seven seas are cute, but you hate golf. I like golf, but I think opera is for dishonest people. You love opera, but you say that cat hair’s uncool. I adore cat hair, but I find democracy odious. You kiss democracy, but you loathe all types of music. Music is my life, but I think small items are wrong. You invest ardently in small items but can’t abide the sight of soybeans. I bathe in soybeans but will never towel myself off with tinfoil. You can’t get enough tinfoil, but you abhor art. I heart art yet cannot tolerate blood. You crave blood, but then you shoot at Shasta. I protect Shasta as a human shield, but I cower from peanuts. You pet peanuts like they’re sentient, but you’re against nostrils. I’ve been pro-nostril since the sixties, yet I refuse to engage in ecocide. You perform ecocide hourly, but you campaigned against DNA. I donated my soul to DNA, but I won’t trim my chest hair. You shaved your chest to go swimming, but you’re terrified of corks. That’s why I deliver this closing statement in my cork-lined room under a banner that says “Winning Attitude.”
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