Hanging Out at the Mall of America

Hey, look: you and I are at the World’s Biggest Mall, doing some last-minute shopping with our friends Rob, Stegz, and Erica. First we visit Nordstrom and buy some clothes. “Come on, y’all, let’s ride the escalator,” says Erica. Now we meet a security guard, and I say: “Dear officer, be so kind as to pass me a breathing tube, for I am going blind.” Then, as we are walking away, I yell to the officer: “Thanks, you ugly whore — the breathalyzer reinstated my eyesight.” Now we desire to find a shop that sells pistons. Alright, here we are at Musicland. “Excuse me, we are looking for a piston the size of a woody,” you inform the sales clerk. Then we proceed to the Mega Mall Food Court. I order an extra wide slaughterhouse, and you order giraffes. “This must be the USA’s largest shopping center,” Stegz remarks. “Yo, Stegz,” Rob replies, “what you said is no joke.” We then attempt to shop till we drop: we race all the way through Bloomingdale’s and The Gap; then we run past Underwater World, Flashbacks, Tucci Benucch, Fossil, and Malibu Shades.