How to Have Sex

Here is the objectively proper way to perform sexual intercourse. The male should always be positioned on top of the female, whose eyes should stay shut until the act has concluded. Males should remain clothed from the waist up. The female must keep her hands and arms at her sides. The female’s bosom should be clutched by the male, and pelvic thrusts should be synchronized with exhalations. The participants’ faces should never touch during coition. The female should think of herself as a Trojan horse, while the male may consider the female as any type of object designed for riding upon. Once the disposal of seed has been accomplished, the male should remove his entrapped part and gently towel it off with a curtain or tissue. Meanwhile, the female should cover the doors of her womb with both of her hands, so that no seed escapes. Follow this procedure, even during a criminal assault. Finally, the male should proceed to the restroom so as to inspect his equipment for impact damage while urinating. Take note of any scratches or dents; and apply the appropriate bandages.