There is only one true religion; all the other religions are stupid and sick. First, let us deal with the latter. Pantheism strikes me as unfitting, for the following reason. It holds impossible positions. Having proved this, let’s go play a game of ping-pong.
Now, here is the sole objectively true religion: Neo-Christianity. It consists of a personal God who controls all the worlds and causes everything to be good or wrong. That’s why, whenever you have a pleasant time at a get-together, you exclaim: “God hath blessed me”; whereas, any time you undergo hardship, it means that God hates you.
The only scriptures approved by God are the Apostle Paul’s letters to the churches. When properly interpreted, these writings provide us our three main beliefs:
- God loves you, and you are saved.
- All souls remain where they are buried.
- Any moment now, the souls of all creatures will be judged and thrown into eternal torment, except one: the Lord Christ, who is the architect of Hell.
So, that’s your fate; now, praise the Ruler. Premarital kissing is prohibited. Next to Hell, which is an endless pit, there is additionally a Lake of Fire: this is a place where, once you enter, you die. God enjoys punishing, maltreating, and putting an end to things. The Lord Christ is God’s son, just as God is the child of something not yet known.
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