My name is Stevens; I am the giant squid. You should have seen what I just accomplished: I gushed spray all over the Living Ruler, from my multiple appendages that resemble nightcrawlers. Then I performed the sleeper chokehold on your mother. But, don’t worry, she’s not dead: she’s just elderly. I used my tentacle suction to steal your motorized vehicle; and now I can practice law, because I passed the bar exam. As I explained, I am an oversized octopus who has a crucial screw loose. I terrorize institutions of higher education and gulp down distilleries where liquor is bottled. Then I squirt globs of ink at whoever is iniquitous. Right now, I’m atop your sink, laying zillions of eggs. So, next time you try to fill up a cup of water from the tap, baby squids will gush out and incite worldwide bedlam.
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