Against Diaries

I disobey my parent’s rules by going over to my boyfriend’s house and making out with him. Then my parents read about this event in my daily journal, and they tell me that my punishment is to clean the bathroom. 

So here’s my question: Why do we young girls record our bad deeds in our diary? Don’t we remember that our parents will thereby discover what we’ve done? 

CONCLUSION: Next time I break my parents’ rules — like, say that I go out and kiss thirty guys at a party — I will not write down in my journal that I did this. Because why!? Instead, I’ll just write that I went to see a movie.

But I want to note just one more suspicious point. Everyone knows that a diary is supposed to be private; but then your parents always go and look at what you wrote there. How can they do this? They find out lots of bad things, like the time when you went out shopping in the buff. Why did you write that down, you dipstick? Didn’t you know that they would obviously read about it? 

So, I repeat, the moral of this lecture is to always don’t write down when you do wrong.