19 June 2023

I’m Evicting Everyone & Building a Golf Course

QUESTION: Why am I forcefully removing you and your spouse from your longtime home, tossing your kids, pets, and knickknacks out on the street, and setting the whole place on fire?

ANSWER: I’m evicting everyone and building a golf course. 

A wrecking ball smashes through the front door. Your children are screaming; their belongings are burning. — I hand you a bill for the current month’s rent and say assuringly: “Don’t worry; I’ll garnish your earnings.” 

Now, high above, I survey the landscape in my gold helicopter. My plan for the site is that it shall have some fairways that are nice and green, a tropical bar, a path of sapphire, and solid gold golf-carts. This is hardly a poor person’s sport; that’s why I properly disposed of you and your family, to make way for eighteen resplendent holes of golf luxury.

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