Introduction to Patent Law

Patents have something to do with things that you invent. Send your application in, and then the Patent Board appears and says: “Hello, we are the Patent Board. Where is the item that you made for us? — Uh oh, we reject this.” And then you cry: “Why, because it has two wings?” And the Patent Board says: “No. It doesn’t tickle our fancy enough, you bobblehead.” And you cry: “That’s not the response that I wanted to hear! My invention is spine-tingling and newfangled. Look: it absolutely spills glitter wherever it flies. No one has ever manufactured a problem like this. For God’s sake, it has two wings!”

Hi, my name is Doctor Spock pushing a shopping cart. Here I find a spacecraft that looks just like the one I used to daydream on. That makes me frown. I should sue Fate Itself in a court of law. First, I’ll file bankruptcy, then I’ll contact some magistrates who own a corporation, and we’ll write a letter to the Judicial Branch, and all my friends will meet me there. OK, now we’re in the courtroom. My ears are quite pointy. Now the Supreme Judge looks over all the ships that I’ve red-flagged, and he compares their elements. “This one here has misfired,” the Judge says while shaking my former spacecraft, The Enterprise Rental. “Here’s your reward money that you can inherit.” Yee-haw, then he puts the cash in my hands. Now I won my case, and my rights are safe, so I go and spend my fortune on a blow-up Vulcan doll.