If you need to write some words, you should use me because I am a pen.
Oh yeah? Well, I’m a fast computer.
I can scribble better than you, my friend.
No! I urge everyone to use ME instead of him, for I am superior.
But I fit neatly in one’s hand.
But I can fax memos to the United Kingdom.
Nah, you blew up during Y2K.
But you are often sucked upon by the lips of degenerate perverts, when they are trying to dream up the next line of the poem that they’re composing.
Yeah, that’s true; but I smell nice.
No you don’t! You smell like a feather dipped in ink.
Well YOU smell like electricity.
Yeah but computers run the world.
But you’re too glitchy to use!
Let’s solve this by asking the people to vote in an online survey: Who do you love more, sophisticated computers or stupid pens?
Look! Pens won with 77% — that’s a landslide!
Too bad I just deleted your bank account.
NARRATION: Computers win.
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