Creation of Species

All animals originally looked exactly the same. They even had the same name. For there did not yet exist any system of classification to determine their identities. 

Then, one day, this man from Greece got a bright idea. He was pretty clever. He took all the animals and made a chart showing how to differentiate them. He called some “quadrupeds” and others “humans” and “bats.” Students still learn about this man’s theses in school. He was smart and really fun to be around. 

2

To review, the species of creatures were developed when dogs and squirrels first became fashioned upon the earth. Then came fish and animals, and then appeared all the beings that live in the zoo. Monkeys were walking all around on the grass. And donkeys were made. Then the monkeys lost their hair and became human. Then one of the humans became Darwin, and he used science to tell what just happened. And everyone was like: “That is very interesting.” Then we all had our first whiff of what a genius can do, if he has talent. Darwin explained that we all came from the planet Venus, and this shows why certain horses are the way they are. Initially, Darwin created only tiny creatures, the size of sand, such as viruses and bacteria. Then eventually he began to make fishes in the aquarium. Then all dogs were derived from land-dwelling fishes; and, after that, he made female dogs. Then Darwin was satisfied. Then he made birds fly in heaven. He named the monkey-folk apes. And then he made people smart, so that they were smarter than the monkeys. Then he made another guy named himself. And he looked over here, and I offered him some refreshments, and we became friends. Then, before he left, he asked me to travel around and tell his story; so that’s why I stopped you outside the bridegroom’s door. I’ll let you go now.