High Jump

The goal of this event is to jump high over a bar. I would recommend learning to do the Fosbury Flop (a jumping style popularized and perfected by the American athlete Dick Fosbury). Run up and plant your foot, then jump. I think you’re going to make it. The bar is really high — try to clear it. You need skill plus luck. Fly over the top, then land on the mat. Use a ladder, if you’re not against cheating. Now I’ll go put on my jumping shoes. . . .

“Whoa, you made it,” the supreme judge tells me after I jump: “We judges have decided to award you this purple heart. You jumped so far that you broke the record. You won first prize. You can now relax and live out the rest of your life comfortably. We are in awe of your accomplishment. We wonder how you did it. You must have practiced a lot.”