There is a place on the earth that is free from worldly horrors; it is sunny and lovely, and populated exclusively by beautiful people. If it were a locked room, you would greatly desire to peek through the keyhole, to see what’s happening in there. By now you’ve guessed its identity: it’s the U.S. territory of Puerto Rico.
Everyone here removes their clothes when bathing. They eat coconuts for food. The grass is so soft that it renders footwear unnecessary. And the custom truly is to disrobe before taking a bath. Plus, every tourist gets a free hickey from Antonio Banderas.
So enjoy the purple cordilleras, pink pampas, and Michelob Golden. Come and wade in the warm water with agents codenamed Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow. Slip off your shoes; this woman is offering you a fuzzy peach. Take a dip. If you decide to bathe, undress. The experience is legal; and it only costs one coin.
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