How Moses met his muse

(Cont.)

In the previous episode, Moses was born to a working-class Israelite. Instead of being slain for his maleness, as the law prescribed, he managed to get himself raised as Egyptian royalty. He was given the best education; and he became the commanding officer of the secret police force, as well as the head of the Empire’s intelligentsia.

One day, while Moses is going to and fro in the land, and walking up and down in it, he spies an Egyptian overseer beating a worker. Impulsively, he kills the overseer to save the worker. Then he buries the corpse in the sand.

Merciful compassion is anathema when you work for the secret police; therefore Moses needed to take a vacation from Egypt, lest his righteous deed become known.

So Moses took a sabbatical in the land of Midian. He stayed with a priest, who taught Moses all about the Midianite religion, one of whose gods was named Yahweh. This god appealed to Moses so deeply that he ended up adding him into the history that he was compiling: Every passage that previously referenced “the gods” was now revised to say “the Lord Yahweh” or “Yahweh god.” That’s why this present scripture refers to Yahweh so often: for it was authored by Moses. (I Bryan am Moses’ ghostwriter.) And this same Midian priest gave his daughter Zipporah to be the wife of Moses. And Moses and Zipporah had a son whom they named Strange Foreign Alien.

And while Moses was staying with Jethro the priest of the Midianites, he tried to make himself useful; so Moses took Jethro’s flock of goats out to the hillside and tended them while they grazed.

And while Moses was watching the goats, suddenly an extradimensional vortex buzzed open on the side of the hill. And this was like a stargate or wormhole: perhaps there are unknown galaxies on the other end of it. The frame of its oval doorway was all ablaze, and there was mist shimmering out. At first, Moses thought that this hillock must be the covert home of a troll or a gnome. What he could see of the interior was a bronze décor, and there were gilded ornamentations and clusters of countless gems bespangling its distances. And it seemed that the expanse of spacetime within the whirling portal was more immense than its counterpart on the outside. It also reminded Moses of the place called “Heaven” or “Hell,” except that the smoke from this gyre was like vapor with a succulent aroma: there was nothing acrid about it.

“Remove your footwear,” said a voice, “for you are standing in my vestibule.”

Moses looked all around the hill and its open vortex, and initially he could see no form of being to associate with the voice, other than the flock of goats that were there, who were still calmly grazing. But when the voice spoke again: “Please remove your shoes,” Moses noticed, amid the bright light, just within the doorway, the appearance of a wild man whose body was brown like rusty iron, and whose hair hung over his face down past his feet. All that could be seen of his visage were two staring eyes, which were shaped like the eyes of a goat.

Moses quickly removed his sandals, and, on instinct, bowed to the earth. He was afraid to meet the man’s gaze, for it was unnerving.

“I know who you are,” said the man to Moses, “and I am aware of the poor conditions of your country’s workers. I plan on rescuing them, and I will accomplish this through you. Here are my instructions. Go back into the Empire and make an appointment to see the King. Tell him that you have come to lead the enslaved masses out, away from the city. Once we have got them beyond the border and into the backlands, we will lead them to this hill, right here where we stand, and I will address them myself.”