(Cont.)
Then, all at once, the four concubines of Israel gave birth to twelve patriarchs, and their names were Judas and Joseph.
And Joseph dreamt a dream wherein he was proven to be the best patriarch of all. The dream featured Joseph in the lead role as a well-dressed heartthrob, and all his brothers and his parents played planets and stars – for the backdrop was outer space – and the whole entire universe kept on bowing and bowing to Joseph, and praising and worshipping him.
And Joseph showed this dream to his father Israel and to Judas and his brothers, and he interpreted his dream for them, saying: “The dream means that I am the best patriarch of all.”
Then Judas and his brothers were displeased with this dream of their brother Joseph; so, without telling their father, they had him shipped away to Egypt. Yet, once there, instead of expiring in agony as his brothers hoped he would do, Joseph became a successful and well-adjusted member of Egyptian society.
Then the King of Egypt dreamt a dream wherein a fat cow died of starvation. This dream disturbed the King because he could not decode its meaning. So he offered a reward of the highest position in the kingdom to whoever could explain his dream correctly. Then Joseph entered the room and said to the King: “I know the meaning of all dreams: I wrote the book on how to interpret them.” And Joseph explained to the King that his dream about the fat cow starving to death meant that there would soon be a worldwide famine.
The Egyptian King then began to feel hungry, and this convinced him that Joseph was right; so he awarded Joseph the highest position in the government. And Joseph used his new power to stockpile foodstuffs in Egypt.
Then the famine occurred. Thus, back home, Joseph’s father Israel and his brothers all began to starve. So, since local rumors claimed that there was a stockpile of foodstuffs in Egypt, Israel and his family packed up and traveled there. And, when they arrived, Joseph himself came and met them and fed them.
At first, his family did not recognize Joseph, because he was dressed in the Egyptian fashion and spoke with a strong Egyptian accent, and his skin was jet black; but eventually his father Israel and Judas and all his other brothers were able to deduce who this great man truly was. For they remembered the dream that Joseph dreamt in his childhood, wherein the whole universe kept on bowing to him and worshiping him, which proved him to be the best patriarch ever. Seeing that this dream had come true so happified his father that, right on the spot, Israel yielded up the ghost: He died with a smile.
So that is how the household of Israel ended up moving to Egypt. And they all remained there for many generations.
§
Now Joseph lived for more than 100 years. And then he died, and they embalmed him, and he was put in a sarcophagus.
And then all the rest of that generation died as well. And a new King of Egypt rose to power who did not like the offspring of Israel; in fact, they repulsed him. And when he saw that the Israelites were breeding so fast that they had become mightier and more numerous than the rest of the Egyptians, the King said: “I fear that, if war breaks out, the Israelites will join our enemies and fight against us; therefore, here’s the new law of the land: All Israelites must be enslaved and all their newborn males aborted.”
OK, so now one of the Israelite slave-women gives birth to a son, and she desires to save the child’s life, so she places him in a boat on a nearby stream which passes by the Royal Palace. Thus the stream takes the little boat merrily into the arms of the Princess of Egypt, who sees the child and falls in love: She adopts the baby as her own. And she names the lad Moses.
So this Moses, who was born of an Israelite slave-woman, gets raised as Egyptian royalty. He receives a princely education; and he becomes the commanding officer of the secret police force, as well as the head of the Empire’s intelligentsia.
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