(Cont.)
Now, do you remember Jethro, the Midianite priest? You have forgotten who he is? Alright, I’ll try to bring you up to speed:
When Moses had to escape from the Empire after slaying a slavedriver, he fled to Jethro’s house. And it was from Jethro’s religion that Moses first learned of the god named Yahweh, who was one among Jethro’s pantheon of deities. Also it was while watching Jethro’s goats that Moses first met the wild man in the vortex, on the side of the hill near Jethro’s abode. Moreover, Moses married Jethro’s daughter, Zipporah, and had two children with her – both boys: one of these kids I told you about already, his name was Strange Foreign Alien, whom they called Xeno for short; and the other lad was named O God Please Help Me, alias Eloi, and he was born sometime between this present moment and Yahweh’s murderous attack on Xeno. (You’ll recall that Moses neglected to circumcise his firstborn, which Yahweh considered a breach of the contract that he had signed with Moses’ ancient ancestor Abram.)
OK, so Moses and the Labor Force that he freed from the Empire have finally reached their destination: the countryside where Jethro lives. I should also mention that, at some point, Moses had sent his wife Zipporah, Jethro’s daughter, back to live with him, her father. So she and the kids stayed with Jethro while Moses was provoking his worker’s revolution and mass exodus from the Empire.
Now that Moses has returned with the working class to this remote territory, and they are encamped by the hill out there in back of Jethro’s home, Jethro takes Moses’ wife Zipporah and the two children, and they all go to reunite with Moses.
Moses sees his family approaching. He walks forth to meet them. Moses bows before Jethro and kisses him. They ask after each other’s health, as Moses invites his family into his tabernacle.
Moses then tells Jethro about his adventure. “It was miraculous,” Moses says; “Yahweh rejuvenated the Devil, and he defeated all the Empire’s Devils in a knightly tournament. Then, Yahweh transformed the water into wine – or, blood, rather – and all the fishes died, and the whole country stank. Then he infested the Empire with many pests: first frogs, then lice and flies. And then Yahweh unleashed a pestilence that killed all the livestock of the upper classes. And he inflicted them with boils, and he caused the sky to hail on them, and when about ninety percent of the Empire’s crops had been destroyed, then Yahweh called up a multitude of locusts, and they devoured the last tenth of the crops that had survived. Thus he wiped out their entire food supply. Then he cast thick darkness upon all the people, except for our workers; and, as a grand finale, he came down in person and slew all the firstborn children of the oppressors. He used his sword to chop off their heads! Then, to make our getaway, he took us across the Red Ocean, first causing the waters to be lifted up overhead by super-strong winds, and the deep blue sea remained airborne, levitating, as we all passed through. But then, when the King and his creditor class pursued us, Yahweh dropped the waters back down upon their heads: and this drowned them, one and all. He also vandalized their vehicles. Finally, we wandered through the wasteland for a while, and now we’re here.”
Jethro’s eyes grew wide when he heard this story. When Moses finished speaking, Jethro replied: “Now I truly know that Yahweh is greater than all the other gods, because of these strategies that he used against the people’s creditors.”
Then Jethro burned offerings and made sacrifices to the High God. And Bryan came and joined the ceremony to eat bread with Jethro; and Jethro invited all the gurus and yogis as well.
Then, on the next morning, Moses sat down in his accustomed place, in his upholstered armchair, before the multitudes; and a long line of people stood in single file, waiting to talk to Moses about various issues; and Moses proceeded to conduct personal meetings with each concerned citizen, one after the next, all day long: from early morning till late in the evening. This he called “executing righteous judgments.”
Now, when Jethro his father-in-law saw Moses spending his time like this, he drew him aside and said to him: “Moses, my son, what is this that you are doing, sitting here all day, from sunup to sundown, consulting with each individual on a one-to-one basis?”
And Moses answered his father-in-law: “The people come to me, to ask the High God’s opinion about whatever problems happen to arise: When they have a question or dispute, they make an appointment with me, and I inform them about the commandments of the High God, and I tell them the statutes of his legal code.”
And his father-in-law Jethro said to Moses: “What you are doing is not good. You will end up exhausting yourself, and you will wear down the people’s patience as well, working all day like this, alone. It is too heavy of a burden. One single man should not endeavor to judge every last controversy on behalf of the High God. Listen to my idea about this – I will give you my advice, and then the High God will be with you.”
Moses said: “What’s your idea?”
Then Jethro explained: “You yourself should handle only those concerns that need to be brought before the High God himself – in those instances, you should stand on behalf of the people involved and present their case to Yahweh directly, since you regularly meet with him in person. But you should teach to the masses all the divine ordinances and laws, and show them how to act and live righteously, so that the people themselves can understand the gods’ legal code. Additionally, you should select from among the multitudes certain of the best men who possess genius and appear to be lucky fellows – these souls you should deputize and appoint to handle lesser judgments; they shall thereby share your burden. Then take onto your own shoulders only the remaining affairs. This will drastically reduce your workload, and everyone will be the better for it. Things will run smoother and be much easier, this way.”
So Moses listened to the commandments of Jethro, his father-in-law, and performed all that he instructed:
Moses chose the handsomest men out of all the masses of workers, and made them rulers over the rest. He appointed managers of thousands, bosses of hundreds, executives of fifties, and chiefs of tens. The shape of their social structure thus resembled a pyramid.
And they judged the people at all seasons: the hard causes they brought to Moses, but every small matter they judged themselves.
Then Jethro said goodbye and left Moses and his god to establish their corporation. And Jethro returned to his own land.
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