Chapter 4
In the meantime, Samuel grew, and he graduated from his position as a neophyte at the Temple of the Hairy One: he became a respected prophet. And the Volcano was with him, and let none of his words fall to the ground. Everything that Samuel predicted came true, and the whole country held him in the highest esteem.
It was due to Samuel’s partnership with the Volcano that the public in general began to speak once again of the Temple of the Hairy One as the best place to feast in Eldorado.
A note on terminology, before we continue: By now, the wayfarers of the Volcano’s caravan had, instead of merely sojourning, mainly rooted themselves in the land; this distinguished them from their previous generations, all of which were tourists who spent their lives wandering from place to place. So the words that we are accustomed to use to refer to the followers of the Volcano (wayfarers, tourists, pilgrims, outcasts, travelers, nomads, drifters, migrants, wanderers, etc.) have all become rather unbefitting, at this point in history. However, forgoing the cold honor of accurate reporting in favor of the comfort of timeworn habit, let us continue to employ these mislabels, regardless of their wrongness, and embrace a devil-may-care attitude about our language being outdated.
OK, so our wayfarers, who formerly would take their caravan from one nation to the next, and mix and mingle with each populace, with the goal of melding humanity and producing Seeds of Promise, now often were the recipients of neighboring nations visiting Eldorado, in order to mix and mingle with them, our pilgrims, in their adopted homeland. This is what happened at the present point of our story: the Sea People came and docked at Dublin Port, before the Lighthouse of the LORD.
And the Sea People put themselves in array, and by waving their tails, they enticed the wayfarers of the caravan to dance with them. So they all danced and played. And about four thousand of the Volcano’s pilgrims ended up coupling with these mer-folk.
And as all this was happening, some of those among the Volcano’s wayfarers who call themselves gurus and yogis lifted their voices and said: “We have a bright idea. Let us fetch the Ark of Remembrance from the temple in Eldorado, for it has the molten image of Yahweh standing atop it, which King Bryan sculpted, and it shall bring us good luck, so that whosoever gazes upon it while coupling shall produce offspring that look like our LORD.”
So the wayfarers sent to Eldorado, that they might bring from thence the Ark of Remembrance whose lid has the image of Yahweh, which dwells between the cherubims. And when they came to the Temple of the Hairy One, there at the doorway was the robo-bellboy Douglas (Bryan’s Dad), standing between the visitors and the ark. So, before the pilgrims could take the ark back to the scene with the Sea People, they had to explain to the bellboy what they were doing; for he was nosy and demanded to hear their intentions. Then, as they were leaving with the ark, Douglas (Bryan’s Dad) followed after them as a busybody.
And when the Ark of Remembrance, which is like a mobile museum that everyone loves to look at, made its appearance at the dance, all the couples on the floor shouted with a great shout, so that the earth rang again.
And when the Sea People heard the noise, they said: “What is the meaning of this ecstatic howl? Are they enjoying our coupling so much?” Then they understood that the Volcano’s ark was come out onto the dance floor.
And the Sea People were elated, when they saw this; and they said: “Ooh, we also should fetch our image of Achamoth, who stands flanked by mermaids on her golden gondola, from our penteconter’s sanctum.” Then others among them argued against this, saying: “But Achamoth’s consort Dagon will disapprove, for he is a strict monogamist, like our subaqueous fellows the seahorses and otters; not to mention the French angelfish. If Dagon sees Achamoth with Yahweh, he will raise a fuss; and then Yahweh will do to him what he did to the Pharaoh of Egypt, when he smote him with all the plagues in the wilderness.” Therefore the Sea People decided against fetching Achamoth, but they planned on asking the wayfarers of the Volcano if they would care to bring their ark to visit the Sea People’s penteconter after the festivities.
So when the dance ended, the participants began returning to their houses, tents, and ships. And there were a great many Seeds of Promise conceived, which ended up looking a lot like their leader (though this proves nothing about the efficacy of the ark ritual, since all men are made after the likeness of their creator). The total spawned was thirty thousand footmen, and an equal number of finmen, plus a myriad hybrids.
And the Volcano’s Ark of Remembrance was taken back to the Sea People’s penteconter, to meet their aqua-empress Achamoth on her golden gondola flanked by mermaids. And Dagon was there, looking stern and scaly.
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