David sidesteps Saul; Saul among the prophets

Chapter 19

Then the creditors sent more waves of their mechanical stormtroopers out to collect debts and to menace the caravan. And David’s battalions behaved more wisely and had greater success than any other division that Saul sent out. Thus David’s reputation skyrocketed.

Then President Saul sent secret agents unto David’s house, to watch him, and to murder him in the morning: and Melanie David’s wife told him, saying: “You must flee tonight, or tomorrow you will be slain!” So Melanie let David down through a window: and he escaped.

Then Melanie took one of their household idols, and laid it in the bed, and draped a pelt of goats’ hair from its head, and covered it with a blanket. And when Saul’s agents came in to take David, she said: “He is sick.”

So the spies returned to Saul and said: “There is nothing we can do. The man is un-kidnappable, for his wife claims he is sick in bed.” Then Saul answered his agents of espionage, saying: “Are you sure that it is David in the bed? Did you see him at close range? Go back and pose as doctors, and say that you are there to treat the president’s son-in-law, to nurse him back to health. And, if you come close and see that it is truly David, and that he is ill indeed, then, instead of curing him, draw your daggers and stab him to death.”

So the secret agents from Saul returned to the house of David and asked his wife Melanie if they might visit David and tend to him where he was bedridden. And they added: “For we are physicians, here to heal him.”

Then when the undercover agents entered the bedroom, they pulled back the blanket, and, behold, there was a statue in the bed; and a pelt of goats’ hair hung over his face down past his feet: thus, all that could be seen of his visage were two staring eyes, which were shaped like the eyes of a goat. And when they removed the pelts of hair, lo, the marble idol beneath bore a striking resemblance to David, albeit it was inanimate.

So the agents apprehended Melanie, and brought her before her father the president. And Saul said unto his daughter: “Why have you deceived me so, and sent away mine enemy, that he is fled?” And Melanie answered her father, saying: “He threatened to take my life, if I foiled his escape.”

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So David, now on the run, came into Rosemount. He stopped at the house of Samuel the Seer, and told him all that President Saul had done to him. And he and Samuel went to Apple Valley and took refuge at the School of Prophets, on Whitney Drive, where King Bryan used to live.

And the espionage agents came and informed Saul, saying: “Behold, David is at the School of Prophets on Whitney Drive; which is what 155th Street becomes, west of Cedar Ave.”

So Saul sent his paramilitary agents to abduct David. But when they saw the company of the prophets prophesying, with Samuel the Seer and David in ecstasy accompanying them, the Spirit of Divinity infused the paramilitaries as well, and they also prophesied.

And when this was told Saul, he sent other spies and thugs; but they all prophesied likewise.

Then, for the third time, Saul sent his most hardened group of intel mercenaries; yet they prophesied also.

Finally, Saul himself went down to Rosemount, and he stopped at the used book store in Apple Valley Square: and he asked and said: “Where are Samuel the Seer and David?” And the clerk said: “Behold, they be at the School of Prophets, just south of here – simply cross that six-lane highway, and you cannot miss it.”

So Saul went thither to Whitney Drive, where King Bryan used to live. And the Spirit of God fell upon Saul also, as he went on, and he prophesied joyfully until he came to the School of Prophets. And he stripped off his clothes also, and prophesied before Samuel in like manner, and lay down naked all that day and all that night. Thus, President Saul renewed his place among the prophets, which he had let expire during his interval of Mammon worship.

However, to this day, many people are often heard asking “Is Saul also among the prophets?” The tale just relayed should clear up this matter and provide an affirmative answer. Besides the president’s brief addiction to Mammon, the only reason that there was ever any confusion about this is as follows. The man from Tarsus known as Saint Paul the Apostle was born with the same name, Saul: therefore, some might assume that he is the subject of the above question, rather than the First President of the Caravan. And Saint Paul of Tarsus is definitely not among the prophets.