[This entry's sections correspond to the chapters in the King James Bible like so: 19 = 29; 20 = 30; 21 = 31; 22 = 33; 23 = 34; 24 = 36.]
19
The following is the content of the letter that the prophet Jeremiah sent from Eldorado unto the residue of the caravan that was carried away captive by President Ozymandias into Wonderland.
Thus says the Lord Yahweh, our god, unto all you who have been taken captive out of Eldorado by the president of Wonderland. Build houses, and dwell in them. Plant gardens, and eat the fruit of them. Take wives, and beget sons and daughters. Also take wives for your sons, and give your daughters to husbands, to bear children and to increase your numbers. Behave peaceably within Wonderland, and pray to Yahweh for its wellbeing. For thus says Yahweh:
“After seventy years have passed with you living in Wonderland, I will visit you, and perform my good news toward you. For the thoughts that I think toward you are thoughts of prosperity, and not of terror. Then shall you and I live together again, in harmony: we will listen to each other, and our hearts shall beat as one. Your leaders were the problem: Know that I, the Lord Yahweh, will send upon them the sword, and famine, and the pestilence; I will cause them to resemble vile figs, which cannot be eaten, they are so evil. I hate your leaders; so I will remove them, and make them to be a curse, and an astonishment, and a hissing, and a reproach, among all nations.”
20
Yahweh God said to Jeremiah: “Write down on a scroll all the words that I have spoken unto you.”
21
Thus says Lord Yahweh: “Behold, in the coming days, I will make a New Deal with the united caravan. It will not be like the contract that I signed with their ancestors in the day when I led the entire workforce out of Egypt: for that was a marriage covenant, and I was a good husband, but they did not desire me, so we got divorced. But here are the details of this New Deal that I will agree to: I will put my wisdom inside of all, and write my oracles on your inward parts, and pump divinity into your heart: then together we shall become one People: one God. So no one will need to teach his neighbor, or act as a leader to his sibling, or wield authority in any way: for each soul shall have me within her interior heaven, alive and ready to speak and act through intuition. And we shall live in perpetual forgiveness: no debts shall ever be remembered.”
22
One day, Jeremiah said: “Thus says the Lord Yahweh: If you can break my contract with the day, and break my contract with the night, so that there should not be day and night in their succession, then also you might break my covenant in which I guaranteed to dwell within each heart.”
23
Now President Zookeeper made a covenant with all the people who were at Eldorado, to proclaim liberty unto any servants that they kept among them, and to let all their slaves go free. The entire populace agreed to this covenant, and they obeyed its terms: thus, all the servants and slaves were freed and given liberty.
However, afterward, the populace reneged on their agreement, and breached the contract: the people whom they had freed were thus caused to return to subjection; and the previous owners among the populace re-established the servitude and enslavement of their former servants and slaves.
Therefore the word of the volcano of potential came to Jeremiah from Yahweh God, saying: “Thus says the Volcano, the savior of the caravan: I made a deal with your ancestors in the day that I rescued them from the Empire of Egypt, where they were forced to labor as servants and slaves; I told them: ‘I am utterly against all forms of indentured servitude and coerced employment: anything inharmonious is anathema. Debt is my adversary; I abhor slavery.’ Your ancestors heard this, and they took it to heart, for a time; but eventually they fell into the same evil habits as the Empire that I originally saved them from. So, on account of your ancestors’ backsliding, you all grew up with slaves and servants and underpaid employees. Now recently you had done well, in proclaiming liberty for all: I was elated with you for that. But then you polluted this goodness by turning around and re-enslaving all whom you had freed. Therefore the Volcano says: ‘Since you have failed to release your slaves from servitude, I shall release you from freedom into captivity. And your leaders who encouraged you to engage in such vile practices, I will release unto the sword, and famine, and pestilence. And their dead bodies shall serve as meat for the beasts of the earth.’”
24
Now President Front Rump issued an executive order about the prophet Jeremiah; so, all over Eldorado, there were posters displayed, having Jeremiah’s likeness upon them, with the words “Wanted: Dead or Alive” emblazoned across the top, and the phrase “or Alive” was crossed out.
So Jeremiah went into hiding. Then he summoned his secretary, and said to him: “Dear Baruch, my trustworthy secretary, thank you for coming. The reason I called you here is that I would like to send a prophecy to the people of the caravan, but I cannot go to the Temple of the Hairy One in person, because of the president’s executive order. So, here is what I propose. I shall recite my prophecy here to you, and you shall write my words down on a scroll, as I speak them.”
So Baruch the secretary of Jeremiah wrote as the prophet prophesied, until the scroll was filled. Then Baruch took the scroll to the temple, and he read the words of Jeremaiah in front of the populace.
After this reading, Baruch was confronted by the spiritual leadership of the caravan – all those self-styled yogis and gurus, the rabbis, and all the priests and pastors – they said to Baruch: “Give us this scroll from Jeremiah; we must inform the president of its contents.”
Then the caravan’s spiritual leadership took the scroll and handed it over to President Front Rump. And Front Rump told everyone to gather around and sit down in front of the fireplace, and the president then read aloud the scroll of Jeremiah; and, as he finished each prophecy, he tore off that section and let it drop into the fire. In this way did President Front Rump ridicule Jeremiah, and he burnt up the entire scroll that contained all his prophecies. Then the president issued another executive order to assassinate Baruch; but the Volcano hid him.
Then the secretary Baruch went and told Jeremiah what had happened: how the scroll had been taken by the caravan’s spiritual leadership, and how the president had burnt it. So the prophet Jeremiah then had his secretary Baruch sit before him and take dictation again; and Jeremiah recited all his prophecies a second time, while Baruch wrote them down on a fresh scroll. And there were many works added to this new collection that had not been published in the first one.
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