Hip-Hop Heaven

I’m sure you’ve heard that there are seven heavens, because the Apostle Paul writes, in his 2nd Letter to the Corinthians (12:2): 

“I knew a man in Christ above fourteen years ago, (whether in the body, I cannot tell; or whether out of the body, I cannot tell: God knoweth;) such an one caught up to the third heaven. And the sum of the heavens is seven.” 

Well I, Bryan Ray, am that man who got “caught up”; and I’m here to tell you what life in heaven 3 of 7 is like. 

The third heaven is Hip-Hop Heaven. It’s full of fun & games. None of the inhabitants are eternally napping, although that is an option; the reason that we all choose to stay awake here is that we love consciousness and wish to live the afterlife to the fullest. 

When one arrives, one is issued a black L.A. Raiders jacket to wear with one’s black wrangler jeans. The ground is soft close-cropped grass, which rolls on as far as the eye can see. And there are pretty white flowers riddling the landscape. 

Biz Markie is here, and KRS-One from Boogie Down Productions, plus Greg Nice and Smooth B, from the group Nice & Smooth. Of course Kool Keith and Ced-Gee from The Ultramagnetic MCs are in this heaven; also Redman, the Native Tongues collective, and my cousin Matt. 

All of us stand around in the quiet, peaceful air, which is always the perfect temperature, and every verse that we say always comes off sounding fresh. We applaud as a group whenever someone finishes rapping, to show our approval, the way that audiences customarily do after the performance of a chamber orchestra. 

Since we are all friends here, no arguments or fights ever break out. Nor do we ever get bothered by the cops. And, when we play games of chance for high stakes, even if there is a consistent winner, the situation never results in the type of unbalanced economy that leads to the downfall of nations, because we observe the biblical law about periodic debt-forgiveness, which says:

. . . hallow the fiftieth year, and proclaim liberty throughout all the land unto all the inhabitants thereof: it shall be a jubilee unto you; and ye shall return every man unto his possession . . . [Leviticus 25:10]

This is the same gospel that Isaiah proclaims, which is also the passage that Jesus reads aloud in the temple to declare the purpose of his own earthly mission:

The Spirit of Lord Yahweh is upon me; because he hath anointed me to preach THE GOOD NEWS unto the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to those who are bound by debt, and the opening of the prison to them that are held captive. [Isaiah 61:1, quoted by Jesus in Luke 4:18]

Large Professor from Main Source is here, too, in Hip-Hop Heaven; and so are Gang Starr, the Wu-Tang Clan, and the Juice Crew.