Beer for Children

I pity the innocent children of this world, for they are shackled with sobriety and made to be slaves of drinks like apple juice and milk, when all they really want is an ice-cold lager. Therefore, what I propose is Beer for Children: let the youth live life with calm and repose. This brew is specially formulated for the growing bodies and developing minds of children, to nurture them and help them to mature. This brand-new Kiddie Brew is available in several tints of color. So, dear kids, go and beg your parents to buy you a few cases — tell them that, although it’s alcoholic, it tastes gr-r-r-reat; and swear to them that you will consume this beverage responsibly: remind them that they have nothing to fear; since you’re less than five years old, there’s no chance that you’ll be attempting to drive an automobile under the influence. Here, I’ll pour a mug-shaped paper cup for little Sammy, little Bobby, and little Sally; oh, and here’s a cold one for little Katie, too. Go to school now, and enjoy chugging Kiddie Beer for Children. It’s fairly stronger than adult-style brews, so you will experience joie de vivre. 

SLOGAN

We don’t believe in segregation;

We serve beer to the entire nation.