Peru

Now we’re going to Peru. I repeat: we’re taking a trip to Peru. For I heard that all the women there are Peruvian. “Tell me where the hell do you think you’re going,” says a police officer. And our travel group answers: “Peru.”

In Peru, the sand is plentiful, and the weather is hot. The only violence that ever occurs is from little children playing European-style football. 

Peru lies on the border between Bolivia and France. Everyone is always naked and dancing and drinking Bright Blue Lima Beer.

ADVERTISEMENT: Everyone, come to Peru; / And bring your family, too; / ’Cause, if you come to Peru, / We’ll try to make room for you.

Welcome to Peru. You look like someone who desires to experience actuality. Well, we have ground to walk on, small shops that sell brown beads, and goats in water. 

P = Pretty (Peru is pretty)

E = Excellent (Peru is an excellent vassal state)

R = Really, Really neat (Peru is neat)

U = U.S. military bases