Ripping Tubes

Hanging out with friends & ripping tubes is what my advice column advocates. Charge it back up & rip it again. My name is Bryan, and I’m a tube ripper. What’s your name; do you have any expertises? My calling is to pull tubes until they’re torn, and then I return to the scene for further tattering. My friends are Chris, Glen, Mick, Rob, and Stegz. We started a school for tube-ripping. Actually, scratch the school; we just rip tubes.

ADDITIONAL INSTRUCTIONS: Take the tube by its girth, maybe two; then flip, dip, skip, and grip the integer at which you’re diving in full-shred, so as to keep its presence from slipping. Now, when you rip a tube, don’t ever twist and tip so that it taps a Splishy Station, or Math will personally sue for damages. And never pump when popping if it’s fully filled. Only pass the tube when the coast is clear. If you see shimmers, there’s probably a broken tube on fire that you can volley with your friends because there’s nothing else to do this year. But you know that you’re having a fun time when you find yourself with something in your possession which you are striving to whip, rap, and prise until everyone in the room is short of honor. The tube that you rip should be smooth solid glass. Pull out the pin and remain attentive: this thing is going to burn a hole in whatever deigns to accept it.