02 April 2023

Flooding (Burt the Plumber, pt. 6)

“Help, I’m drowning! Call the plumber! My main water pipe just split in twain from the top to the bottom, and now I’m plagued with a globe-engulfing deluge!”

“Hi there, I’m Burt the Plumber. What’s up?”

“Burt! Please help me! The floodwaters are rising!”

“Alright; first, let me put on my knee-highs. OK, I have a large coil of accordion tubing that works pretty well on jobs like this. If someone could just pass me a log of wood, I’ll use it to float over to the main pipeline. . . .”

“Oh no, Burt — it’s not safe to navigate these waters: they are rising too rapidly — don’t do it; you’ll die! — Ah, somebody, please help Burt: he’s knocked unconscious! That lightning rod over yonder slashed his overalls, and the foaming floodwaters sucked up and swallowed the piece of lumber that he was using as a buoy! Now this landscape is haunted, because all the ancient mariners have sunk in the wine-dark sea and given up the ghost!”

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