The Astronauts, Pt. 2: Going to Jupiter

Ninety-five moons and no sand dunes: we’re looking at Jupiter. Let’s land on the Red Spot — feather the brakes. Everybody put on your space suit and boots, and roll up your face-shield: the atmosphere is violent. 

Now, here we are on the surface of Jupiter. Look at all that brass. Alright, zip open your backpacks, we need to warm up some beans. “Cosmonaut Stegz, tighten your space-belt: you don’t want any of this violent breeze to get inside your suit.” 

Ah, here comes the mayor of the Red Spot to greet us officially: it’s the actor Frank Morgan, who played Professor Marvel as well as the title role in The Wizard of Oz (1939). 

“But I’m not acting now: I really am the mayor,” declares Mr. Morgan, smiling. “Welcome to Jupiter. You’ll notice that life here is different than you’re accustomed to: everything is much, much heavier, with more large pigments.” 

“And what a nice view of the beach,” I exclaim. Then I press the transmission button on my walkie-talkie and say: “Attention, crewmembers. Roll open your facial visors, and let us partake of these fruits from the local vegetation. They resemble pomegranates.”