How to Build a House

Here is how to build a house. Start with the interior and work your way outwards. First, you need to dig a wide, hollow cavern in the earth. Then you need to buy some coal. 

Now, create a wall from cement; be sure that it stands firm and does not fall over. Get some friends to help you — say that you’ll buy them Fundador brandy. 

Buy some wood from Knox Lumber Corporation, or a place like Builder’s Square. Also buy a hammer and a nail. Hope for clear weather: no floods or hail-storms. Buy a level and a saw. Ask your state to give you a building permit. 

Nail the nail into the wood. Be sure to hit it hard. Double check your work, because there’s a chance that you have split the board that you were pounding upon. 

Build your house upwards into the atmosphere — that way, you can live in there. Make sure that you include a stairway; otherwise, how will you go places? 

Reinforce the wooden frame. Go ahead and reinforce it again, as a precaution, or else your entire structure will tumble down, and you will look sad for residing in a broken home.

Finally, hang a sign above your entryway that reads: “Public Enemy Number One Welcomes You to Minnesota’s Metrodome.”