Be Nice to People

Here is a lesson about how to behave in the world, because, if you don’t know the correct way to present yourself, then you will be screwed up. I will tell you a special secret now, so listen closely. 

Be nice to people: that’s my advice. In this way, you can avoid coming off as unlikable. I learned this the hard way, one time when I was stationed with a group of fellow soldiers in a foreign land: I heard some citizens badmouthing us, saying “Those occupying troops are a nuisance.” So I stepped out from the shadows and yelled: “Stop it.” But they all just gasped and stared, because I hadn’t been nice to them.

The moral of the tale is: Always be a winner, and treat your pals with care. Instead of acting angry, try being sociable. Always appear happy to meet anybody and everybody, whoever they are. Remember to wave at your neighbors, when you’re driving down the street, and say: “Hey, what’s up! How’s it going!” And after they reply to you, then say: “That is totally great! You are totally awesome!” See, it’s enjoyable to act in a positive fashion. Being nice is its own reward. When you show kindness to your friends, your friendship will last; whereas, if you’re mean to somebody, they might retire to bed early and pout — you don’t want that, believe me. So be nice to your parents, and be nice to your girlfriend; it will make you feel better. And you’ll conclude that your effort was a small price to pay, when you see that all the people in your world are now content.