(Cont.)
Then the Midianites showed up with wine and venison from Deer City. At this point, any residual anger that anyone felt had been abated. So the Volcano’s wayfarers forgave the yogis and gurus, and they all had a feast.
Now the ex-bandits who were the caravan’s yogis and gurus, Oreb and Zeeb and Zebah and Zalmunna, and the rest, and all their underbosses and minions, numbered in total about fifteen thousand men. I only mention this fact to give you an idea of the size of the gang we were dealing with.
Then Zebah and Zalmunna said to Jerubbaal: “To thank you for sparing our lives, we give you these gifts.” And they took away the ornaments that were on their camels’ necks, and they held them out to Jerubbaal. Then they said: “You should rule over us, instead of the Volcano. And then your son, when he is born, shall take your place as ruler, and your son’s son likewise: and the leadership should remain in your bloodline.”
But Jerubbaal said unto them: “I will not rule over you, neither shall my son rule over you. Not even the Volcano will rule over you. For our hope is that you individuals become your own prophets and elohims, and so on; and thus need no rulers, but live harmoniously with all creatures.”
Then, seeing that their enthusiasm had waned, Jerubbaal spoke again, saying: “But I thank you for this offering. I will dedicate it to the city, of which my mother is the archon.”
Then the gurus and yogis perked up, and they sent word among their numbers, saying, “Let us all pool the earrings of our prey.” (For they had taken booty during their stint as bandits.) So they went around collecting from their fellows all the golden earrings that they had, and they all gave them willingly, and they cast them together upon a garment of embroidered lacework, which they offered unto Jerubbaal.
And the weight of the heap of earrings that he was given was a thousand and seven hundred shekels of gold; beside ornaments, and collars, and crosses that were from the Vatican, with the papal tiara, and beside the chains that were about their camels’ necks.
And Jerubbaal melted all these things within the furnace, and made a fawn thereof, and installed it atop the capitol in Deer City, even in Nara: and all the multitudes of the Volcano went thither to admire it. And, lo, it was beautiful. Then they banqueted upon venison, and read the scriptures, and danced and played.
Thus were the yogis and gurus among them subdued before the rest of the caravansary, so that they no longer led the life of outlaws and highwaymen. And the pilgrims enjoyed a full forty years of tranquility, during the days of Jerubbaal.
And Jerubbaal the son of the doe-eyed huntress Diana, archon of Deer City, finally retired from public life. He went and dwelt in his own log cabin. And although his own mother was a perpetual moon-virgin, he himself was decidedly not. So, when he got home, the first thing that Jerubbaal did was beget a total of seventy sons. And he used his physical body to do this – that is to say, no trick photography or any science-lab funny-business was involved: he fathered these lads with his own male member; for he had married many maidens.
And there was a magdalene in Bethlehem who aspired to be the Mother of God, and she prayed unto the doe-eyed huntress Diana, asking for a virgin birth; and Diana had pity upon this woman, so she concocted a spirit of moon madness, which she sent to lie in wait, under the bed, in the log cabin of her son Jerubbaal. And this angel waited patiently until Jerubbaal came home from feasting in Deer City; and when he climbed into his bed with his myriad maids, and he prepared to go in unto them, the spirit of moon madness arose out from under the mattress and took a position between Jerubbaal and his bedmates: Thus was Jerubbaal’s embrace intercepted by the angel. Once this was accomplished, the spirit of moon madness returned unto her mistress, the magdalene from Bethlehem, and they prayed jointly unto the doe-eyed huntress Diana, who then employed her spiritual javelin to facilitate conception. In this way was the woman’s womb blessed by the stolen seed, and she became the Mother of God, for the child that resulted from this miracle was an elohim indeed: his name was Abimelech, the immaculate bastard of Jerubbaal.
And Gideon Jerubbaal lived to be a good old age, before Enoch came and took him. And, on that occasion, a fiery chariot was sent as well for Jerubbaal’s mother, the perpetual moon-virgin Diana; archon of Nara, the City of Deer; and she was taken, along with her son, back to the Fulness.
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