(Cont.)
Now Jephthah and his paramilitary outfit met to discuss their covert mission. And, after a night of heavy boozing, they decided that the best idea was to send a written message to the Supreme Leader of Persia: for perhaps he would comply willingly with their request. So they sent forth a prayer, by way of a very beautiful angel, which said as follows:
“Dear Parsee Man, I have come to ask you to return my fire. This letter is signed by the God of the Church.”
And the Supreme Leader of the Persian Fire-Worshippers, upon hearing this, smiled and laughed. Then very courteously he sent the angel back with his answer, which said:
“Dear God of the Church, I appreciate your levity; it was unexpected. And your messenger is lovely. Thank you. Peace be unto your people.”
Now Jephthah and his team pondered this response at length. Then, after another night of boozing, they sent a second prayer that was far more firmly worded, hoping that this might result in compliance. And they chose a sterner angel who was a shieldmaiden as their deliverer; and the message said:
“The God of the Church does not take this matter lightly. Return my fire, or there will be evil.”
On receiving this, the Supreme Leader’s smile diminished; then he dealt with the angel very hospitably, and treated her with utmost deference, as he sent her on her return trip with his answer:
“Dearest Church God, please forgive my misunderstanding. Are you Zeus, by chance? (Your angel resembles Athena.) Supposing you are, I told you already that Prometheus acted alone: he is not of our number; we do not condone fire-theft. Or are you Chemosh? Or Moloch? It is not easy to discern your identity, due to that blank facemask that you wear; but I am sincerely at pains to understand your perspective. The clear spirit of fire that we as Persians now do worship belongs to all: it is not given to any as a possession; neither to me and mine, nor to any other. Are you not on the side of the volcano of potential? I believed that your people were of his caravansary; but the way that you have spoken leaves me with doubt. Might there be one among the elohims to advise you in this matter? For I have not sinned against you, therefore you do wrong to war against me: May the Volcano judge this day between your churchgoers and our fire-worshippers. We wish you peace and prosperity.”
Now Jephthah Elohim began to have misgivings about his stance, as he heard this prayer; and, by the time it ended, he felt ashamed. It weighed heavily on his heart that he had made a commitment to serve his brethren’s Church; for he could see that they were all headstrong and proceeding from hubris, whereas these Parsees were acting with an eye toward harmony. So, before his team could discuss their next move in this game, Jephthah rose up and said:
“I’m out.”
And his covert crewmen paused their boozing and said: “Out?”
And Jephthah repeated: “Indeed, count me out: I quit the op. That Parsee is right – his words ring true. My brothers and their Church are at odds with the Volcano, on this occasion: their actions are springing not from friendship and lovingkindness, but rather from possessiveness and impatience – their aim is ugly, attempting to seize the spirit of fire, and it is undertaken in desperation; moreover, these aggressive threats are unworthy of a man of my stature. I cannot do this. Count me out.”
Yet the men of his team, being all villains from the land of Tob, answered Jephthah and said: “Do what thou wilt; and God be with ye. Nevertheless, we shall steal back the fire for the Church.”
And Jephthah said: “I strongly advise you to change your resolve. For I do not wish to act as your adversary.”
Howbeit those members of his paramilitary outfit hearkened not unto the words of Jephthah. And they went as one, in secret, among the Persian Fire-Worshippers, and to every place where there were Parsees in the caravan, and the men from Tob engaged in mail-opening, wiretapping, and burglary.
Then the spirit of the volcano of potential came upon Jephthah, and he went out on a one-man mission to thwart those villains who were his former friends from Tob: and he sought them over Oz, and then through Princeton, and he snuck among the Dartmouthians, under the fountain of the kegs, and he doubled back through Emerald City, and in all these places he practiced counterespionage, against the agents of his former outfit, everywhere there were Parsees or even the hint of Persian Fire-Worshippers.
And Jephthah was so determined to stop the machinations of the Church’s God that he vowed a vow unto the volcano of potential, and he said: “Dear Master of Spacetime, if you will deliver into my hands all the agents of that covert paramilitary unit, then I hereby promise that the very first beast to come forth, at full gallop, out of my cattle-shed, when I return home from this one-man mission, shall surely be yours: I will slaughter the animal, and pass it through the flames, and broil it on the grill, and you may consume it, O Volcano, as a steak.”
Then Jephthah Elohim pursued his ex-gang of agents who were contending against the Persians; and the volcano of potential delivered every last member of their coterie into his hands. And he spoiled their plans in Aurora, even all the way to Minnehaha Falls, and around the Twin Cities, and forestalled them in the plains and the vineyards, and stymied their endeavors. Thus the Persian Fire-Worshippers were protected against the wiles of the villains from Tob.
No comments:
Post a Comment