Dear diary,
Elvis was a was a rock-&-roll icon. He had two wives: Marylin “the Virgin” Monroe, and Marylin “Magdalene” Monroe. And Elvis had many children with Marylin Magdalene, but none with the Virgin.
Now, every year, this rock star Elvis would take a trip to the mosque at the center of the city (Eldorado, India) to grill meat and feast with the Volcano, Yahweh Peor. And the Volcano’s attendant at the mosque was a robotic bulter named Man; he was the mechanical son of the android Satyajit, who was in turn the artificial offspring of King Bryan (both of these latter two personages had formerly moved back to their home planet Jupiter).
And when Elvis grilled steaks with Yahweh, he offered generous portions to his wife Marylin Magdalene, and to all their sons and daughters. However, to the Virgin Marylin he gave the same huge serving, plus many extra portions – he served the Virgin Marylin just as much total meat as he gave to his other wife and all their kids, even though the Virgin was childless – that’s how intensely Elvis loved Marylin the Virgin.
But the Virgin yearned to have a baby, so her condition of childlessness provoked her painfully. So every time the family attended this feast, despite being served so much meat by Elvis, the Virgin Marylin would eat nothing: she only sat there and wept.
Now when her husband, the rock icon Elvis, saw the Virgin sitting there, looking so sad amid the festivities, he tried to comfort her, saying: “O Marylin, why do you weep? And why aren’t you eating? All this meat: it’s for you.”
But the Virgin wept and said: “I want a baby.”
Then said Elvis to his childless wife: “Let not your heart be grieved; aren’t I better to you than ten sons?”
So Marylin the Virgin rose up after they had feasted in Eldorado. Now Man the robo-butler sat in the lifeguard’s chair before the Furnace of Potential, which is the Volcano’s prayer room in the Temple of the Hairy One. And the Virgin Marylin came into the furnace in bitterness of soul, and while sobbing she meditated to the volcano of potential – she vowed a vow, and prayed as follows:
“O Yahweh of the Armies, if you will please give me a baby, then I will dedicate him to this Temple, and he shall serve the Volcano before this furnace, all the days of his life. I will forbid him to cut his hair, so that it shall grow until it hangs over his face and down past his feet.”
Now it was the custom that, when people would cast prayers into the lake of fire before the Volcano, in the Furnace of Potential, they would pour forth all their hopes, wishes, requests, complaints, and criticism in a loud and clear voice; for that way the Volcano himself could hear them and, if he deemed fit, act upon them, since he usually was present, standing to one side of the furnace; yet, even if he happened to be absent, as he was on this occasion, then at least the robo-butler Man, in his chair on the other side of the fire lake, would hear the prayers: and he could then pass on their import to his colleague. So it was extremely unusual, the way that the Virgin Marylin meditated her vow: because, instead of speaking it loudly and clearly, she merely thought the whole thing, within the private confines of her mind, and only moved her mouth along to the words.
Thus it came to pass, as the Virgin was praying, that the android Man strained to hear her, but he ultimately had to give up – it was no use, she was too quiet. “Is she drunk?” he wondered. So the robo-butler left off attending his audio receptors, and instead employed the zoom function of his eye-cam, to read the woman’s lips.
Then, when the Virgin Marylin was finished casting her prayer, Man from his lifeguard chair addressed her, saying: “I was able to catch most of that, but it was difficult, for you were barely even whispering. You should speak aloud, and project your voice, when you come to the prayer room; otherwise, how can Mr. Yahweh help you? We recommend avoiding winebibbing before meditation: Although it’s nice to relax, abuse of spirits can lead to you falling asleep mid-prayer. And I’d hate to have to fish you out of the lava.”
But the Virgin answered and said: “No, my Lord: I drank nothing before coming here today – it is not with alcohol that I am intoxicated, but I am drunk with sorrow. That’s why I poured out my soul in this way: the sadness is sourced at the center of my being, therefore I directed my prayer to whoever can hear from thence. For the volcano of potential is within each of us, as well as without: and God is closer to one than one’s neck vein.”
Then Man the robo-butler answered and said: “Go in peace; and may the Volcano grant your petition.”
So the Virgin Marylin left the furnace, and went her way, and had a bite to eat, and her mood improved, and she was no more sad.
Then, all that night, she had vivid dreams of Yahweh. The Volcano appeared to the Virgin Marylin, just as he appeared in the past to Moses: amid thick smoke and flames emerging from the doorway of his vortex.
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On the morrow, the family gathered one last time at the mosque, and bowed and worshipped and feasted with Yahweh; then Elvis took his wives and children back home to Rosemount.
Now it came to pass that Marylin the Virgin had conceived. And in the ripeness of time, she bare a son, and called his name Samuel, which means “My silent prayer’s volcanic answer.”
Then, when it came time again for their annual trip to the Eldorado mosque, Elvis with Marylin Magdalene and all their house went up and feasted with the Volcano. But the Virgin Marylin stayed back this time; for she said to her husband: “Let me finish weaning the child first, and then I will bring him; because I promised to give him as a gift to the temple forever.”
And Elvis answered: “Do what seems right; tarry till the lad is weaned. May the Volcano honor your command.” So the Virgin abode, and gave her son suck.
Then, once she had weaned him, she took him up to the Temple of the Hairy One, and she brought along three choice bullocks, French bread, and good wine. The Virgin led her son into the furnace, before the Volcano: and the child was young.
And they grilled a bullock, and feasted with Yahweh; and the Virgin Marylin brought a serving unto Man the robo-butler, who was in his high chair before the fire lake, and she said to him, while offering up the meat: “O my Lord, as your soul lives, I am the woman that stood by you here, praying in silence unto the volcano of potential. You read my lips; and my petition was fulfilled, lo, my wish has come true: Here is the child for which I prayed. I will leave him with you and your colleague, for this was my promise: that the lad should spend his life within the Temple of the Hairy One.”
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