David upholds his vow to Jonathan’s line

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Chapter 9

Now Jonathan, the son of ex-President Saul, had a son who was a peerless tap-dancer. His name was Meribaal. Now, Meribaal’s phenomenal skill in tap-dancing was acquired in the following way. The lad was five moments old when the news was reported that his father and grandfather died on the battlefield (recall that Jonathan and Saul both lost their lives fighting against the creditors, in the Valley of Exploding Earth); at that instant, his wetnurse picked up the babe Meribaal and attempted to breastfeed him while running, and they ended up tumbling down a lacquered expanse: So that’s where Meribaal learned all his fancy footwork.

The above backstory was worth mentioning here because this is the point in President David’s career when he turned to the members of his staff and asked: “Is there yet any person remaining in the family tree of Jonathan? For I promised his father Saul, the ex-president, that I would care for his descendants; plus Jonathan and I are bound by a contract that fuses our lineages.”

But the president’s research department was unaware of the tap-dancer Meribaal; so they phoned up the Black House (which is where the staff of Saul’s presidency still resided, as his late son the ex-Prez Eshbaal had not replaced them); and they ended up speaking to the chief manservant there, whose name was Ziba. And Ziba said: “Come, let the president visit our hearth, and we shall have a fireside chat.”

So David showed up at the Black House in Sweet Beulah Land. The great iron doors creaked open of their own accord, revealing a manservant stiffly standing there in a tailcoat. President David said: “Are you Ziba?” And the man said: “At your service.”

Then, when they had taken their seats before the fireplace, and brandy had been served, the president said unto Ziba: “Tell me now: Is there yet any person remaining in the lineage of Jonathan? For I am oathbound to show his survivors the kindness of God.”

And Ziba answered: “Jonathan has only a single remaining heir, who is a matchless tap-dancer.”

And the president said unto Ziba: “Where is the man?”

And Ziba answered President David, saying: “Behold, he is shackled to the wall of a dungeon in Golden-Age Hollywood.”

So President David sent filibusters to Hollywood, and they broke the man’s shackles and fetched him out of the awful dungeon. Then when Meribaal, the sole heir of Jonathan, was brought before the president, the man fell on his face, and did reverence. And President David said: “Are you Jonathan’s son Meribaal?”

And Meribaal answered: “Behold your servant!”

Then David said unto him: “Fear not; I will surely show you lovingkindness, for the sake of your father: because Jonathan and I have a contract together, like the one that you signed with Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios, from which our lawyers helped to release you; but my covenant with Jonathan is the opposite of repressive, moreover it is everlasting, binding us even beyond the grave – for traditional vows declare ‘till death do us part,’ but Jonathan’s friendship to me was wonderful, surpassing the love of women: therefore I will restore to you the full legacy of Saul your grandfather; and you shall dine at my table with me forever.”

Upon hearing this, Meribaal bowed himself, and said: “This seems too good to be true, that you are mindful of me. For, what am I but a dead dog, in comparison to you, who are a living lion!”

Then the president called to Ziba, the chief manservant of the Black House, and said unto him: “I have given your master’s grandson everything pertaining to the ousted president: the entire patrimony is Meribaal’s. You, therefore, Monsieur Ziba, and your fellow servants, shall till the land for him, bring in the fruits, operate the harvesting machinery, and perform all the backbreaking labor on the demesne, so that your master’s grandson shall always recline in the lap of luxury. And he shall eat at my table: not at the Black House but in my Black Lodge. I don’t want anybody using the Black House anymore for official dinners; my aim is to make the cabin that I built in the Chaos Buffer Zone the new capital of our caravan.”

Then said Ziba unto the president: “I will do as you have commanded.”

“And, as for Meribaal,” David added, “in case I forgot to mention it, he should dine with me at my own table, every day, as one of the members of my presidential cabinet.”

And Meribaal had a young son, whose name was Michael Jackson. And all that dwelt in the Black House were servants to Meribaal.

So Meribaal dwelt in Eldorado with David, and he dined continually at the president’s table. And he was an exquisite tap-dancer.