Chapter 3
Marsha, queen of the marsh-nymphs in the sticks of the wilderness, was a keeper of sheep; and she had enjoyed a good relationship with Captain Ahab when he was the president. But now that Ahab had been taken, Queen Marsha worried that she and her marsh-nymphs would be neglected by the caravan’s new regime. So she sent a gift to the joint-presidency of Gracchus and Lamb Bomb, hoping to procure favor: this gift, as was appropriate for a shepherdess to offer, was the wool of one hundred thousand sheep.
President Lamb Bomb, the daughter of Fat Jehovah, was slightly frightened by this gift, not knowing what to make of it, and wondering if it might be a coded signal, of the type that mobsters have been known to send each other as threats. But Gracchus calmed his wife and said: “It is because you are your father’s little lamb that you associate wool with pre-slaughter shearing; others only think of sweaters, coats, pajamas, trousers, skirts, and underwear.”
Thus the gift of Queen Marsha on behalf of the marsh-nymphs pleased the presidents of the caravan, Lamb Bomb and Gracchus; and they made plans to mix and mingle in the marsh. President Lamb Bomb said to her husband President Gracchus: “Will you join your northern percentage of the population with my southern remainder, so that we may pay a social call to the Marsh Queen?”
And Gracchus answered: “I will do so: I am as you are: my people are your people.”
So they stepped out from the presidential residence, which was now the Ivory Palace built by Ahab, and summoned their multitudes. And once the populaces were gathered before them, President Gracchus turned and said to his wife, President Lamb Bomb: “Which way is the marshland?”
And Lamb Bomb answered: “I think it is in the sticks.”
So the joint presidents went, leading their caravansary into the wilderness: and they fetched a compass of seven day’s journey: at which point they ran out of water, so the multitudes grew very thirsty. And President Gracchus cried: “Alas! that the Volcano has united our states only to die from thirst in the wilderness.”
But President Lamb Bomb said: “Is there not here a prophetess of Yahweh, that we may inquire of the Volcano through her?”
And one of the interns answered and said: “Over yonder lives Elisha, who was Elijah’s secretary.”
And Lamb Bomb said: “Yes, that’s the name I was thinking of. I hope she is trustworthy; I heard her master lost his license.”
So the presidents of the caravan led their multitudes dying of thirst to visit the prophetess, Elisha.
And when they met her, Elisha said: “What have I to do with Ahab’s son? go bother one of your father’s hundreds of prophets; my master instilled within me a bias against your line. And frankly I was always jealous of your mother Jezebel.”
Then President Gracchus answered Elisha with gentle words, saying: “Blessings upon you, and upon your master Elijah. Perhaps he was in error to prejudge thusly: for the Volcano has called us into this joint governance, and now we seek a water supply and Queen Marsha. Will you rise above hatred to help us?”
Then Elisha answered: “On account of my more malleable nature, I was anointed to replace my master; it is your good luck that I am not overzealous. Also, I have respect for President Lamb Bomb of the south. So, bring me a minstrel.”
Then, when the minstrel played, the Spirit of Divinity infused Elisha; and she said: “Ah, the God-Word is coming to me, yes, yes, I can see it; it is growing clearer: I see a valley full of ditches; and the place is filling up with freshwater, which you may drink. And Queen Marsha and her multitudes shall welcome you all to mix and mingle, there in the marshland.”
Then it came to pass in the morning, when they were grilling their breakfast, that, behold, freshwater began to surge up all around them, and the landscape became filled with drinkable pools. Thus the wayfarers and their beasts were refreshed.
Now the multitudes of the marshland heard that the presidents of the caravan were on the approach. And since rumors had come to Queen Marsha that President Lamb Bomb had taken offence to her gift of wool, the queen feared that this might not be a friendly visit. Out of caution, therefore, she told her marshland multitudes to don armor, and to form platoons and stand in formation.
So Queen Marsha and her marsh-nymphs rose up early in the morning, and the sun shone upon the pools of freshwater that had gathered overnight. Now, from the perspective of Marsha and her marsh-nymphs, the light on the water’s surface caused these pools to resemble red blood; and the wayfarers who were all flat on their bellies, lapping the freshwater with their tongues, appeared to be wounded soldiers lying face down in their own gore. Thus the marsh-nymphs exclaimed: “This is the aftermath of a battle! Surely the caravan has gone berserk again, and they have smitten one another. Now let us nurse the injured and save them alive.”
So the marsh-nymphs with Queen Marsha hastened forward to help the hurt. And when they embraced and hefted the prostrate bodies, and flipped them over, and made ready to resuscitate them, the wayfarers looked up and saw these armored nymphs above them, and they assumed that they were come to defend their marshland. Then each nymph pressed her mouth to the mouth of her patient, and very quickly it became apparent that these wayfarers from the caravan were not wounded, and that the pools were not blood; but since they were already kissing, they decided to continue. So the misunderstanding proved fruitful; and many Seeds of Promise were conceived.
And it came to pass that the wayfarers spent several days in the sticks of the wilderness with the marsh-nymphs and their queen. Then Queen Marsha took her daughter, the finest nymph in all the marshes, who should have reigned in her stead, and offered her as a concubine unto the caravansary’s presidents.
Thus did the marsh-nymphs forge an eternal alliance with the wayfarers. And there was a great celebration, and they threw a feast to the Volcano.
At last, the caravan departed from the marshland, and returned to Eldorado.
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