Every year, on Xmas day, all the unmarried men feel hungry; so they climb into their sports cars and head over to the drive-thru of the Lickety-split Meat Spot. They shout their order into the microphone and wait for a clerk to reply, but they receive no answer. They sit there waiting so long that they begin to fear that they’ll die of starvation. The problem is that all the clerks who normally work at Lickety-split are currently enjoying their only day off: they are celebrating Xmas. It’s true: the Meat Spot is closed, for once; and the unmarried men would have known this, if they had read the sign at the entryway, but, on principle, unmarried men do not ever read, for they are totally self-reliant. So now they drive their sports cars around town looking for any place that does foodservice; yet not a single store is open. “But I’m hungry!” shout the unmarried men, while punching their steering wheel. Even Burger Chef is closed; and so are Pizza Haven, Chooks Fresh & Tasty, Pup ’N’ Taco, Wag’s, and Winky’s. So our men finally sulk into the 24-hour self-service convenience garage and buy a couple Hot Pockets Frozen Pepperoni Sandwiches for $35 dollars apiece. Then they eat this Xmas meal and break out in hives.
2 comments:
ⵙ The reason they are singletons has to do with the lack of a cohesion field-- it's like spiritual velcro-- without this elusive ectoplasmic substance, they are unable to read the moon lettering that spells the closure out for the rest of us. And, you know what, cohesion fields are generated by a substance that is destroyed by processed food: wholesome-heartedness ⵙ
That's a very wise statement. I'm going to make a recording of it, in the form of a soothing, personal address; then load this audio file onto a myriad of the type of Xmas cards that play a song when you open them: so, instead of the jingle, it'll broadcast your comment. This could have the effect of wholesome-izing the majority of singletons.
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