Meeting the basic needs of an emigrating multitude

[The photograph below was the cover for a suite of essays that I published a couple years ago. It has nothing to do with the present entry, beyond the fact that today’s text contains a two-word phrase that matches the title of one of the parts of that old set.]

(Cont.)

So Moses led the workers through the Red Ocean, and they wandered out into the woods of Farmington. Soon they ran out of water to drink. They trekked for three days through the woods, but they found no water.

Then they came to Bitter River. But they could not drink the water of Bitter River, because it was bitter: that’s the reason they named it Bitter River.

Now the workers began to grow annoyed, and they complained to Moses with angry sarcasm, saying: “Smart plan, to bring us out into the woods without any water. Certainly, humans can live a long time without water, so this is no problem at all.”

Then Moses stood outside the wild man’s vortex. And the wild man whose body was like rusty iron said to Moses, “Why are you crying?” And he showed Moses a tree that was growing in the woods. And he instructed Moses to uproot the tree with his bare hands and toss it into Bitter River. So Moses did this, and the waters of the river became sweet. So they renamed it Sweet River.

Then the wild man drew up a contract, to put the people to the test; and he urged Moses to sign the deal on behalf of all the workers. And this document said as follows:

“If the labor force will listen with sincere interest to the voice of the volcano of potential, and behave in a way that looks agreeable to his eyes, and learn all the lessons that he teaches, and follow all the instructions he gives, then I will, in turn, hold back from plaguing you with all the evil diseases that you saw me inflict on the Empire. For I am the Volcano that heals you.”

Then they arrived in a place called Eden, where were twelve functioning wells and seventy palm trees in a half-circle, each bearing a new type of succulent fruit. So they made an encampment there by the waters.

Eventually they left Eden and journeyed into the forest of Sin, which is about halfway between Eden and Sinai, the district containing the wild man’s hill. This was about two and a half months after they vacated the Empire.

Now the mass of workers began to criticize the government of Moses in the forest: the multitudes cried out against him, saying, “Our wish is that we would have been abandoned by the Volcano, back in the Empire; for then at least we would have been able to devour the assorted salamis at the meat market and freely partake of the pastry buffet: We deeply miss all the food trucks and flesh pots! Those days now seem like the Golden Age, since you have dragged us out here to the forest to starve us to death.”

Then, when Moses relayed this complaint to the wild man in the fiery vortex, the man growled and answered: “Look, I will cause the sky to rain bread for you; and the workers shall go out and gather a ration daily. I will do this to test them, to see whether they can follow simple instructions or not. For five days, I will give them their normal amount; then, on the sixth day, I will give them a double portion, so they will be able to gather extra; but they will need to save the surplus, because I will tell the sky not to rain bread on the last day of each week.”

Moses therefore turned aside and conferred with his prophet Bryan, saying: “You go now and tell these multitudes of workers to draw near and approach the Volcano. Tell them that he has heard their sarcastic accusations.”

So Bryan relayed this message to the masses: “Tomorrow evening, you will know that the Volcano saved you from the Empire; because, in the morning, you will witness the full sumptuousness of the Volcano’s generosity. For he has heard all the whining and complaining that you have been voicing against him, as of late. Consider that, when you complain against us, you’re really just complaining against the Volcano – after all, what are we? we’re just like you: honest laborers; we act as his representatives, telling you what he tells us to say; we have no actual power here. Everything that happens is according to the dictates of the volcano of potential.”

And, as Bryan was addressing all the workers in the forest, the crowd’s attention was distracted: for, there in the woods, right behind Bryan, suddenly appeared the amber glow of the wild man’s vortex, with misty smoke issuing out of it.

And Bryan added: “Now, here is what shall happen. The Volcano has agreed to give you, once per evening, a certain allotment of flesh to eat. And then, each morning, he will give you bread to the full.”

And it happened that, at evening time, quails flew in and landed all around, covering the camp; and they were easy to catch and kill. Then, in the morning time, a weird pale dew was found all about the armies. And once this dew had evaporated, in the place where it had been, there lay a small round thing, as small as the hoar frost on the ground.

And when the masses of workers saw it, they said one to another: “What IS this shit?” because they had never seen anything like it.

And Moses answered them, saying: “No, it’s the bread that the Volcano has served you for breakfast. Here are his rules about it: every man should gather up as much as he and the people of his household can consume – to each according to his need; and from each according to his ability – one gallon per man. Take as much as you need to feed the members of your tabernacle.”

And the multitudes of workers did so; some gathered more, and some less. And when they divvied out the total with a gallon-sized measuring bucket, it turned out perfectly: whoever had gathered a lot had no leftovers, and whoever had gathered a little suffered no lack. Everyone received the amount that they could eat.

And Moses alerted the people, saying: “The Volcano will rain upon you freshly every day the food that you need; however, beware: he has engineered this type of bread to spoil fast. Therefore, do not attempt to stockpile this stuff.”

Notwithstanding they ignored this warning; and some of them saved their daily ration till the next morning, at which point it began to breed worms and stink. This angered Moses.

So, day followed day, and each morning the workers gathered the sky-bread: and when the sun waxed hot, it melted.

But on the sixth day of each week, they gathered twice as much of the strange substance: two gallons per man. And the gossips who fancied themselves rulers among the multitudes ran to Moses and tattled on the people, saying: “Look! they are gathering double.”

And Moses answered: “Calm down; that’s OK; for the Volcano has said: The upcoming day is your time of rest – it’s your weekend: you get one day off (unlike the Empire, which gave you no days off, or the Volcano’s projected Paradise, which, when established, will be entirely automated, so that all the chores necessary to sustain existence shall be performed by robots and machines, thus leaving you workers with a permanent vacation: all seven days of every week will be yours to spend however you like; this, incidentally, is the true definition of freedom, which, you will note, is the opposite of the motto of the Empire: ‘Work makes you free’) – therefore, in preparation for your laborless morrow, the Volcano has provided enough extra sky-bread to last for another full morn: two morn’s worth of sustenance. Accordingly, you are advised to bake whatever you bake today, and seethe what you seethe; and then any leftovers will remain fresh when you save them – you can eat them for the next day’s breakfast. You see, the Volcano has modified the engineering of every sixth allotment so that it is different from the other weekdays’ fare: today’s portion is packed with preservatives.”

So they laid it up till the morning, as Moses bade: and it did not stink, neither was there any worm therein.

And Moses made an announcement on that first “Rest Day,” saying: “Eat this morning what you set aside from yesterday. For on the seventh day of the week, no sky-bread shall fall.”

And it happened that despite Moses’ announcement, certain fools among the masses went out to gather food from the field, but they found that nothing had rained: The heaven was as dry as an old witch’s humor.

Then the wild man said to Moses: “How long are you going to disregard my instructions? I told you clearly what my plan was, and yet many among the multitudes are now acting as if they did not pay attention. Why are there people out in the field looking for food during what is supposed to be their day off? I was hoping that we could begin quickly to increase the size of their weekend from one to two days, and then eventually reach the point of my projected Paradise: where the concept of daily work itself enters retirement, and the weeks become a seamless flow of relaxed contemplation. But it seems as if many among the masses are allergic to bliss.”

So the workers remained at the initial phase of the Volcano’s test. And, over the successive months and beyond, they kept trying to kick their habit of laboring on the weekend.

A song for the Volcano

(Cont.)

When the workers witnessed this event, which the Volcano did to the Empire, the masses of laborers felt strong reverence for the Volcano, and they believed in the Volcano and accepted his servant Moses.

Then the workers sang a song for the Volcano, and it went like this:

§

I will sing to the Volcano, for he has triumphed gloriously: he dunked the King’s armored limousine under the ocean.

The Volcano is my strength and my power, and he has rescued me out of oppression: he is my GOD, and I will set up a shrine to him; my ancestors worshipped him too – let us plant a garden for him to inhabit.

The Volcano is a fighting man! His birth name is YAHWEH!

All the King’s infantrymen and entourage have been overwhelmed by the ocean: all our creditors and landlords are now corpses within the Red Ocean.

The depths have smothered them: they sank to the bottom like a stone.

Your right hand, O Volcano, glows red-hot with fury! Your right hand, O Volcano, dashed the Empire to pieces.

Your greatness and excellency were too much for them: the enemies that rose up against you got burnt by your fiery anger – they fried up like stubble.

With a blast from your snout, the waters of the ocean were impelled into the air: the floods hovered suspended like a magic carpet, and they oozed around as globules in a lava lamp, patiently waiting while your workforce walked beneath them.

Then our enemy said: “I will pursue, I will overtake, I will cheat them and rob them, and split the spoils with the bosses and overseers; my greedy lust shall be sated upon them; I will draw my weapons and eviscerate them.”

But you then blew with your raging wind, and the ocean collapsed: it thundered down on their heads like doomsday.

They sank as lead in the mighty waters!

Who is like you, O Volcano, among the gods!? who is like you: radiant with potency, terrifying in appearance, and instigating horrors yet unheard of on the earth!

You waved with your wand, and the ocean swallowed them.

But, in your mercy, you led forth the humble working people from the Empire: you redeemed them from their servitude and guided them with your might to your abode on the hillside.

The rest of the world shall hear our story and be shocked. Sorrow shall grip the inhabitants of Minnetonka. Then the dukes of Edina shall be dumbstruck; the successful entrepreneurs of Wayzata shall be seized with fits of trembling; all the moguls of Woodbury shall melt away.

They shall all be utterly consumed by fear and dread; when they see the magnificence of your arm, they shall freeze like statues; until your workforce has made it across, O Volcano, until the people whom you have rescued have made it across.

You shall gather them up and plant them in your hill, in the covert home where you reside, O volcano of potential, in the natural sanctum whose ornate chambers you built with your hands. Long live the Volcano!

For the armored coach of the King went in with his squad vehicles and his gun trucks into the ocean, and the Volcano slammed the waters down upon them; but the working class walked on dry land, right through the ocean.

§

And Myala the black panther, consort of Bryan, took a timbrel in her paw; and all the damsels followed her with timbrels, praying and dancing, all through the night.

And they began the song again from the top, saying: “I will sing to the Volcano, for he has triumphed gloriously: he dunked the King’s armored limousine under the ocean.”

The slam dunk

(Cont.)

Then the wild man spoke to Moses, saying: “Tell the workers that they should turn and make a settlement in New Prague. Temporarily establish a military encampment between Mounds View and the coast, over against Vadnais Heights. I want the people positioned before the Red Ocean. Because the King will say to his intelligentsia about the escaped labor force: ‘Look, they must be entangled in the woods, around these uninhabited areas, and now they are captive.’ Because I have not yet finished the plan for which I continue hardening the King’s heart; so he shall surely set out and chase after his escaped workers; and I will earn great glory for myself by besting the King and overwhelming his retinue. Then, at last, the ruling class will see that I am the volcano of potential.”

And they did as he instructed.

Then someone burst into the throne room and said to the King, “Red alert, red alert: the workers have all escaped!” And when the King and his intelligentsia heard this, their hearts were turned against the labor force, and they said: “Why did we permit those workers to leave? They should be here, in the Empire, laboring in their tasks.”

So the King made ready his armored coach, which was half limousine and half battle-tank; and his intelligentsia climbed in as well and sat beside him, at the great round table of the vehicle’s war room.

And he was followed by six hundred infantry squad vehicles, and all the gun trucks in the Empire, with captains piloting every last one of them.

And the wild man hardened the heart of the Empire’s King, so that he chased after the labor force, as the masses of workers escaped with their arms raised defiantly, vaunting their newfound freedom.

But the forces of the Empire pursued them, all the squad vehicles and gun trucks, and their captains, with the King in his hybrid limousine battle-tank, and the entire creditor class in their cars. And they overtook them encamping by the ocean, beside New Prague and before Vadnais Heights.

And the workers saw the King’s armored coach approaching closer and closer; then they turned and noticed all the attack vehicles of the Empire driving straight toward them as well. This put the fear of god in the workers; so they cried out to Moses, saying:

“What is this? Did the Empire’s inland run out of burial plots, so you had to lug us here to a mass grave in this back country? What are you doing – what is your plan? Why did you encourage us to leave the city? Look: we’re all sitting ducks! This is exactly what we said would happen, when you first met with us. We said, ‘Leave us alone; let us stick to doing hard labor for the Empire: at least then we can feed our families.’ For it had been better for us to remain in the country’s workforce than to die out here in the wasteland.”

And Moses answered the workers and said: “Calm down. Just stand in place, and you will behold the magnificence of the Volcano, which shall be displayed for you this day, right here and now: you will witness a spectacular act of deliverance. Lift your heads and take one long look at those military vehicles, for this will be the last time that you ever see them. The volcano of potential is on your side: He shall fight for you. So, hush up, and stop your fretting.”

Then Moses went to visit the wild man in the fiery vortex, who was a stone’s throw away from the worker’s camp; and he relayed to him what the workers had complained. And the wild man said:

“Why do you come crying to me? Instruct the workers to continue marching forward. But you yourself need to stand up here in front of them, and lift up your wand, and wave it over the ocean. This will cause the waters of the deep to rise up, levitate, and hover above in midair: this way, my army can walk on the dry bed of the ocean and not get wet. And then, listen to this: I myself will personally harden the heart of the King and his whole entourage, and they shall follow you and the workers into the dry seabed; and I will earn great glory by the trap that I aim to spring on the King in his battle-tank, with his intelligentsia, and all their minions. Ah, then the forces of the Empire will finally know why I call myself the volcano of potential, because I will have glorified my name over the King and all his squad vehicles and gun trucks.”

Then the Volcano’s vortex changed its position: when Moses stood at the front of the workers’ army, the flaming gyre translocated to the rear; thus the clouds of billowing smoke from its exhaust manifold were no longer before the workers’ faces, but instead they were obscuring the air behind them. So the vortex was now between the mass of workers and the Empire’s forces: and it presented a thick cloud of darkness to the King and his retinue, while its fiery border served as a nightlight to the workers; this way, the two groups were kept apart safely until daybreak.

And Moses stretched out his arm and kept waving his wand over the ocean. All night long, he did this.

At first, everything was quiet; only the wind rustled amongst the trees, and the clouds were passing slowly above his head. Then the wild man, seeing that his prophet was rightly performing his role in the plan, caused an east wind to begin to blow; and all night long the gust got stronger and stronger.

Eventually the water rose on high like a white mist, and moved away with the other clouds; and the fishes of the ocean sprang onto the shore and laid themselves side by side, each according to his size and kind.

And the masses of workers walked in through the middle of the ocean upon dry ground; and the waters remained levitating above them, hovering in space. And the ocean in the air made small plashing noises while it undulated overhead, like the sound of a pleasant day at the beach.

And the Empire’s forces pursued, and went in after the working class through the midst of the ocean: all the King’s intelligentsia with him in his limousine battle-tank, followed by the six hundred infantry squad vehicles, and all the gun trucks.

And it happened that, in the morning, the goat-eyed wild man looked out and saw the scene: then he came down from his fiery smoking vortex and personally visited the Empire’s entourage as it was approaching, and he sabotaged those forces:

He removed the wheels from all their vehicles, and he uninstalled the track from under the skirt of the battle-tank, so that the King and his retinue had a hard time driving through the seabed: they got stuck in the sand.

And the intelligentsia said to the King: “Let us quit and go back: we should abandon this mission and flee from the workers, because the Volcano is interfering on their behalf.”

And the King looked through the periscope of his armored coach, and he saw with amazement all that was done. He then climbed out of the limo-tank’s hatch and began to walk in the direction of the wild man, who was just then removing the last wheel from one of the gun trucks. The wild man, perceiving the King’s approach, looked down at the sand and saw that there was one fish remaining in the seabed – it had not been removed to the shore with the rest of its brethren by the wind that had put all the fish in order. So the wild man reached forth and took this fish in his hand; and, as the King drew near to speak, he swung and lobbed the fish, and it hit the King’s face: it smacked the lips of the King like a kiss. Then the wild man hastened back into his vortex.

Now the wild man went to the front of the mass of workers, as they were reaching the opposite shoreline, and he instructed Moses with the following speech: “Stretch out your hand over the ocean again, and wave your wand. Therewith, the waters that are suspended above the King’s forces shall come splashing down on their heads: and the ocean shall engulf the Empire’s infantry and all their squad vehicles and gun trucks.”

So Moses waved his wand over the ocean; and, by the next morning, the waters had resumed their former position within the seabed. And the forces of the Empire attempted to retreat, but they were confined. And the Volcano engulfed the Empire in the Ocean.

The waves crashed over the vehicles of the King’s entourage: his limousine battle-tank, the cars of the creditors, and all the gun trucks were submerged. There escaped not one alive to tell about it.

But the armies of the working class walked on the dry seabed when they crossed through the ocean, and the deep waters hovered above them in an attitude of obedience.

This was how the volcano of potential rescued the labor force that day, out of the clutches of the Empire. And the people saw all their creditors dead on the seashore.

A leave-taking at last

(Cont.)

Then the wild man readied himself and set out on foot towards the city of the King, away from his vortex on the hillside, along with Moses and Bryan, who joined him on his trek into the country. And, as they went, the wild man said: “Let us reset our calendars to make this month the first of the year. Tell the working class that, annually, on this very same day – the Ides of March – they shall celebrate what I am about to do to the ruling class. And warn them that, at a certain point in the future, some cadre of rulers will surely strike back and retaliate in an equally bloody way (for violence only begets further violence), to flip our holiday’s meaning on its head. But, until then, let this day commemorate our victory over the oppressors. Now, here is what the workforce shall do, every year, to help them remember the importance of the upcoming marvel:

“Create a piñata in the shape of a mandrake, and fill it with wild plants. If you have them, you can add hedgerow cuttings, grasses, and alfalfa hay. Now gather with all your loved ones; and, at the stroke of midnight, behead the piñata. Then call in your goats to graze upon the guts (represented by the assorted greens that spilled out from the mock firstborn). Listen closely now: Never substitute cherry syrup for the piñata’s stuffing, or any plant that is poisonous to goats. Amen: that is all. Do this every year, in remembrance of my malfeasance. For I will lurk through the country this night and sever the head from each of the firstborn children of the ruling class. Yes, I will execute judgment against their high god Mammon; for I am his nemesis: the volcano of potential. And I will not harm any of the firstborn of the working class, but I will spare their residences when I pass through the land: for I know where they live. Thus, by means of this sneak attack against the King, I will release all the workers from servitude and lead my armies out of the country.”

And it happened that, at midnight, the Volcano visited all the firstborn of the ruling class, and he raised his glittering sword and decapitated them: from the firstborn of the King who sat on the throne to the firstborn of each and every creditor and overseer, as well as those of the administrative staff and all their house-pets.

And the King awoke in the night – he, and all the creditors and overseers, and all the minions on their payroll – and there was a distressing shriek throughout the country; for there was scarcely a single house where blood was not shed.

And the King called Moses and Bryan in to the throne room for an emergency meeting at night, and he said: “Get going, hurry: take all your workers and leave. Now! Flee with speed: go meet with your chieftain, as you requested. Take all the workers, young and old, and also the livestock: I don’t care; just be gone, now – and grant me luck, too.”

And the creditors and overseers urged the workers to depart: “Leave, now, or he’ll murder us all!”

Thus, in order to exit the country fast, the workers took their dough before it was leavened; and their kneadingtroughs were bound up in their clothes upon their shoulders.

And the workers followed the advice of Moses; and they borrowed from their wealthy neighbors golden and silver jewelry and gemstones, plus other luxury items and expensive clothing. And, as we saw, the wild man caused the upper classes to be predisposed to help their underlings, in this instance; so they lent them whatsoever they needed. Thus did they spoil them.

Now there were about six hundred thousand workers who traveled on foot from Ramsey County to the southern suburbs bordering Minneapolis. And that is not even counting women or children. And all types of people accompanied them, and countless animals.

And the reason they baked unleavened cakes from the dough that they brought is that they did not have time to prepare anything more elaborate.

Now here’s a fun fact: These workers, until this moment of their escape, had been working in that country for exactly four hundred and thirty years. And it was on the very day of their anniversary that all these Armies of the Volcano began their vacation. So, by the political genius of the wild man with the goat eyes, this event of mass exodus was orchestrated precisely.

And the wild man said to Moses and Bryan: “Do not forget my ordinances concerning the piñata ritual that I told you about, when I directed you to form wet clay from the earth into the likeness of a firstborn mandrake and fill it with greens. Just make sure that the herbs of the stuffing are all goat-friendly, which is to say: non-toxic. Only introduce new foods into a goat’s diet gradually.”

And the wild man continued, saying: “In the future, when you workers all beget offspring, your children will attend the piñata ritual and question you, saying: ‘Father, what is this all about? Why do we remove the head of the mandrake with a sword and then call our goats and tell them: “Eat the rich”?’ At this point, you shall answer your child like so: ‘Dear little one, this is a ceremony that we perform to help us remember the night when our friend, the volcano of potential, won us our freedom. Here is what happened. The Volcano personally walked on foot through the country where all of us workers served as the labor force; and he went from house to house with his sword held high, and he rendered headless each of the firstborn children of the rentiers and creditors who were oppressing us.’ And when your child then asks you, ‘But, father, why did the Volcano shed so much blood? Was diplomacy not an option?’ You shall answer by saying: ‘Ah, my bambino, the King of that country was very stubborn, and he would never listen to reason. For, lo, the Volcano had hardened his heart. Otherwise, there would have been no chance for the Volcano to display his mighty powers: because he can make swarms of flies infest a whole landscape; also frogs, lice, and locusts; and he can produce pestilences and plagues that sicken people and livestock; and he invented a type of aerosolized ash that induces acne in psychoanalysts; and, with a wave of his wand, he can transform the cleanest drinking-water into blood. Moreover, as his signature, any time he undertakes to brew coffee, he always leaves a dead fish in the percolator.’”

And it happened that, after the King released the workers from their servitude, when they finally left the country to attend the barbecue with their benefactor, the wild man did not lead them through Mexico, which would have been the more direct route, but instead he took them the long way, which meandered through harsh deserts, haunted forests, and rocky mountains. But it wasn’t because the wild man wanted to torment the people that he chose such a convoluted course – no, actually, he was trying to ease the people’s minds: for, at that time, there were brutal cartels and barbaric street-gangs infesting that part of the land, especially near the border – all armed and funded by the Empire’s intelligentsia – and they were involved in endless drug wars and power struggles; so the Volcano reasoned with Moses and Bryan thusly: “Let us conduct the people by a roundabout way to my home; lest peradventure they repent, after witnessing these atrocities, and make a beeline back to the Empire.” So that’s why the wild man with the goat eyes brought his people through the Red Ocean, even though this route doesn’t seem to make sense when you study it on a map.

And remember the patriarch Joseph, who made it big in Ancient Egypt? Well, Moses inherited old Joseph’s ornate sarcophagus – it was his most prized possession – and he hauled it right along with him when they went on their trek. That’s how much Moses loved this embalmed cadaver.

Now they journeyed southeast beyond Bloomington and camped in Eagan, on the edge of the wilderness. And the wild man with the rust-brown body traveled before them in his vortex, whose fiery perimeter served as a guide to the workers by night, and then in the daytime they followed the billowing smoke from its exhaust pipes.

Additional ordeals, with the announcement of an upcoming ordeal

(Cont.)

And the wild man with the goat eyes said to Moses: “Go make an appointment with the King, because I have hardened his heart, and all his administrative staff is overconfident. This is the perfect time to show them more signs of my power. And you will have something to tell your children and grandchildren, when you see the awful things that I shall perform. After this, everyone will know that I am the volcano of potential.”

So Moses and Bryan trekked back to the city and made an appointment with the King. And once they were in the throne room again, they said: “We have another message from the Volcano: ‘How long will you refuse to admit that I am your better! Release my workers, so that they can come and see me. Or else, if you refuse again, then listen: tomorrow I will invite my friends the locusts to come and invade your country. You will see a great cloud of them approach the coastline, and then they will draw near until they cover the whole face of the land, and you will not be able to see anything, their swarm shall be so thick. And any of your crops that survived the last catastrophe, my locusts shall devour them. And they shall swarm into your houses, and all over your administrative staff, and into all the houses of your elite friends in Edina. This will be a locust infestation the likes of which not even your fathers or grandfathers experienced. For nothing like this has ever happened, from the day the earth was made, until this moment.’” And he turned around and walked out of the room.

And when Moses and Bryan had left, the members of the intelligentsia addressed the King and said: “How long are you going to let these guys continue to torment us? Why don’t you release the workers and let them have their little holiday? Have you not looked at the land lately – the entire country has been devastated!”

So the King called Moses and Bryan back to the throne room, and he said to them: “Fine, go and have your weekend outing. But who exactly among the working class are you expecting will accompany you on this trip?”

And Moses answered: “The entire labor force needs to attend: young and old, sons and daughters, as well as their livestock. Not a soul is exempted. All the workers must have a picnic with the Volcano.”

And the King said: “May your crazy god plague you as he has plagued me, if I ever allow you to take the working children. The children remain! Take the menfolk and the elderly. That is enough. Now, get out of my sight.” And then the royal guards forced them out of the room.

So the wild man from the fiery vortex on the hillside said to Moses: “Wave your wand over the land to call the locusts, so that they can eat up whatever crops were not destroyed by the hailstorm.”

So Moses stretched out his arm and waved the wand over the country, and the wild man caused an east wind to blow through the land all day and night; and on the next morning, there they were, swarming in vast hungry clouds upon the wind: the locusts.

And these locusts went all over the place. They were everywhere. Not since the country was first founded had there been a disaster on this scale. For they blanketed the entire landscape, and the whole earth was darkened. And they ate every growing plant or tree or shrub. Anything green, they devoured it. They left nothing in their wake.

And the King called Moses and Bryan to schedule an emergency meeting. And when they entered the throne room, before they could speak, the King said: “I wronged your Volcano god, and I treated you terribly. Now please forgive me, I beg you – look: as the King, I am on my knees before you! Please, just this once, forgive my wrongdoing, and go back to the Volcano and ask him, just this one time, to change his mind and save me from destruction.”

So they left the King and went to deliver this message to the wild man. And the wild man summoned an extremely strong west wind, which swept away the locusts and deposited them in the sea: all through the land and on all the coasts of the country, there remained not one living locust.

However, the wild man hardened the King’s heart, so that he refused to release the workers.

Then the wild man with the goat eyes and the foot-length hair said to Moses: “Wave your wand at heaven, to make darkness engulf the country: the type of darkness that is so thick, you can cut it with a knife. Total blackness that is oppressive, like a physical substance that suffocates the soul.”

And Moses lifted his wand to heaven and waved it around, and a heavy gloom of darkness came down and congested the land for three entire days.

During that time, the people could not see one another; so they all stayed right where they were and did not move. But all the workers had light in their dwellings.

And the King invited Moses to a meeting, and he said: “Go ahead and take your Volcano Holiday, but just let your livestock remain in the country with me. You can even take the working children with you. That’s my concession. All I want is the livestock.”

And Moses answered: “But if you keep the livestock, then where are we going to get the meat for our barbecue? No, the livestock must accompany us: no hoof left behind. Although we will not know exactly what our host has planned for us until we arrive at his hill, certain elements are so basic as to be obvious, such as the fact that a feast needs food. This should not come as a surprise to you: I explained clearly that our weekend get-together would entail grilling. The volcano of potential is not an abstemious entertainer.”

But the wild man from the vortex, always pulling strings from behind the scenes, caused the King’s heart to harden again, so he would not agree to the terms.

And the King rose up in anger and said: “Leave, now. Begone. I’m finished with you. And take care that you stay out of my sight – don’t cross my path. For the next time you see my face, you will meet death.”

And Moses answered: “Well said, O King. Never again will I see your face alive.”

§

And the wild man with the goat eyes said to Moses: “I have just one last trick to play on the King, and on his class within the country. After this, he will release my workers without question, believe me. Not only will he permit the labor force its vacation, but he will pack them up and send them off with haste, and cast them away from his presence with zeal. – OK, here’s the plan. Go and tell all the workers to call on any of their neighbors who are owners, managers, administrators, or overseers – anyone who is part of the ruling class. Have our workers pay these neighbors a visit and request to borrow their precious jewels – gemstones, gold and silver earrings, necklaces, et cetera – ask them to lend you their luxurious fineries, and I will predispose them to favor you. (Yes, I use these terms “borrow” and “lend”; however, don’t worry: you most likely will not need to return them.)”

And the wild man did as he said, and he caused those upper-class neighbors to grant this request from their underlings. So the workers borrowed their neighbors’ most precious ornaments. If this situation strikes the reader as implausible, just consider that Moses himself had become a type of celebrity in the land, because of all the terrors that he had taken credit for causing: And the labor force lionized him, while the owners and the King’s administrative staff felt awe for Moses – they feared him, and their attitude toward his followers was one of appeasement; they hoped to be able to keep the workers calm, and, if possible, to avoid an all-out revolution, by granting simple demands, like the request to lend jewelry, so that they would not have to comply with the greater demand of actually treating the workers as equal humans.

And Moses announced: “Listen to the words of the Volcano: ‘At midnight, I will personally visit the land; I will walk right into the midst of the country, and I will draw my glittering sword, and I will personally murder every firstborn child of the ruling class, and all the firstborn of their administrative staff – their lackey servants who live in their houses with them, and who have turned their backs on you workers; also those who serve as guards and overseers in their State Protection Squadron – all their firstborn children I will murder, personally. As well as the firstborn of their house-pets. And, when I do this, you will hear a great shriek of terror welling up in the country, and it shall grow louder and louder, as the oppressors all discover their slain children. It will be a cry like nothing ever heard before or since, and it will permeate the whole land. But all the children of the working class will be totally safe and sound: not even a dog will dare to move its tongue against them. This shall prove that the volcano of potential observes a crucial difference between the ruling class and the working class, and he identifies with the latter. And all the members of those groups that oppress you will come to me, while I am there in person lurking through the country at night, and they will bow down before me and beg me to leave: “Get out!” they will cry, “and take all your wretched workers with you!” And, at that point, I will exit from the country.’” And Moses stomped away in rage.

And when Moses reached the fiery brim of the vortex where the wild man lived on the hillside, the wild man was waiting for him, staring with his goat eyes, and he said to Moses: “Again, the King will not heed your warning; for my terrors must increase and multiply within the Empire.”

And Moses and Bryan performed everything that the wild man had instructed them (up to this last terror, which the wild man intended to accomplish personally); but nothing that they did to wreck the country was able to move the King an inch. For the wild man had cast some sort of enchantment that caused the heart of the King to remain hardened, no matter what happened; and he would never release the workers to attend their picnic.

And yet a few more ordeals

(Cont.)

Then the wild man with the goat eyes said to Moses: “Go make an appointment with the King, and tell him, ‘The Volcano requests that you allow all the workers in your land to leave the country so that they may sojourn with me, their advocate, here in the outlands. Because, if you refuse to release them again, then listen to what I will do: I will kill all your livestock. Cattle, horses, asses, camels, oxen, and sheep – all dead. A disease will come and destroy them, and I will have caused this. And you will know that it is my doing because all the livestock of my working class shall be just fine: none of the workers’ animals will die. And I will even tell you exactly when this disaster will happen: it will happen on the morrow. That’s when the volcano of potential shall strike.’”

And the wild man performed that disaster on the morrow. All the livestock in the country fell sick and died, except whatever belonged to the working class: all the laborers’ livestock remained healthy.

And the King sent out some teams of researchers from his intelligentsia to gather information about what had happened, and they returned bearing the news that not a single beast among the livestock of the labor force had even fallen ill, but all the rest of the country’s livestock had not only sickened but expired in agony. Howbeit, the heart of the King remained hardened, and he did not release the workers for their vacation.

And the wild man with the long hair that hung over his face and past his feet met with Moses and Bryan again, and he said: “I have another idea: Ashes. Go and scoop up handfuls of ashes from the furnace, and let Moses sprinkle them toward heaven in the sight of the King. What will happen is that the ashes will fly as tiny bits of dust all over the country. Do you know what “Brownian motion” is? The erratic movement of particles suspended in a medium. Dust swirling in the blackness of the air: that’s what it shall be like, when you toss the ashes into heaven: zillions of tiny airborne specks. The bits shall float around in the atmosphere and land upon humans and animals throughout the country; and, wherever these tiny flakes of ash touch down, there shall break forth blains, boils, and pimples: inflamed swellings on the skin. That’s my idea. How do you like it?”

So they all went and scooped ashes out of the wild man’s furnace. And then Moses went and stood before the King and sprinkled the ashes up toward heaven. And each particle of ash became a boil breaking forth with blains and nasty zits on all humans and animals.

Now the various factions of the King’s intelligentsia could not appear before Moses on that occasion, because they all had painful pimples. For this skin condition had struck that group especially hard; and all the ruling class had bad acne.

Yet the wild man caused the heart of the King to harden, so that he would not listen to them or negotiate. It was just as the wild man predicted.

So the wild man from the vortex said to Moses: “Get up early in the morning, and go stand before the King, and say to him: ‘These are the words of the Volcano: Release my workers so that they may come outside the border and celebrate with me. Consider this fact: With one wave of my wand, I could cause you and all your class to be struck with a fatal epidemic of horrible sickness, and you would be wiped off the face of the earth – just like that, in an instant! I could even cast all my spells at once, so that their terrors land right on your person, and on your administrative staff, and on all your people; then you would learn that there is nothing else like me upon the planet. But note that I have refrained from completely destroying you, and instead I have allowed you to become extremely successful, and to obtain this high position as the ruler of your country: my reason for thus allowing you to flourish is that I can thereby demonstrate with far greater contrast how powerful I am by humiliating you – the more illustrious you become, the more impressive your fall will be – and then the news of me will spread everywhere: The whole world will know, once you are toppled, that the Volcano stands with the working class. Now, as yet, you magnify yourself at the expense of my labor force, and you will not let them leave. Therefore, look: by this time tomorrow, I will shower your country with a hailstorm: it will be more disastrous than anything your land has seen since the day it was founded. So you would be best to go and give this message to everyone you care about: tell them to take shelter, and to gather all their livestock in from the fields; because every living creature that is caught outside shall be pelted to death by hail.”

Upon hearing this, everyone on the King’s administrative staff who harbored even the slightest doubt about the efficacy of this so-called volcano of potential made sure that all his underlings and animals were securely withindoors. But anyone who presumed that the Volcano was bluffing left his family and pets outside.

And the wild man said to Moses: “Reach up to the sky and wave your wand, so that hailstones come down and pulverize this stubborn country. You will see that it will happen immediately, and the hail will be enormous: it will smash flat any humans and animals that stand under it, as well as all the crops and vegetation, throughout the whole land.”

So Moses reached up to heaven and waved his wand, and the Volcano sent thunder and hail, and flames dashed all over the ground. And the Volcano rained hail on the country. So there was hail. And fire was intermixed with the hail. It proved more disastrous than anything the land had seen since the day it was founded. And the hail struck throughout the entire country: it struck everything that was out of doors, both humans and animals – it struck every living creature – and it also ravaged and ruined every plant, shrub, or crop: all the vegetation got pelted; and it broke every single tree of the field.

Only in the southern metropolitan areas of Eagan, Burnsville, Rosemount, and Apple Valley, where the workers all live – in those places, there was no hail.

Then the King charged his staff to set up an urgent meeting with Moses and Bryan. When they arrived in the throne room, the sound of hail and fire could be heard pelting and sizzling throughout his speech, as the King addressed them, saying: “I have acted unethically. Your Volcano was right. Because of our addiction to wealth, my people and I became total psychopaths; and, in our hubris, we mistreated your workers. Now, please, ask the Volcano to stop this terror attack – all the mighty thunderings and hail. I’m sure that he’ll calm down if you give him this message: tell him that the King will release his workers from the country. You all can go and have your extended weekend.”

Moses answered the King and said: “As soon as I am outside the border of the city, I will stretch out my arms to the Volcano; and all the thundering shall quit, and the sky shall be silent, and there will be no more hail plonking the earth or any fire blazing about. And this will prove that the whole planet is the property of our Volcano, who favors the workers over you rulers. But as for you and your administrative staff, and the rest of your intelligentsia, I am sure that none of you will truly respect our Volcano – you’ll go right back to being callous and hard-hearted.”

And the crops that had been ready to harvest, such as the flax and the barley, were devastated by this unnatural disaster; they were utterly ruined. But other crops, such as wheat and rye, remained unspoiled, since they had not yet grown up.

And as soon as Moses stepped one foot outside the city, he raised his arms, as a signal to the wild man, and the awful weather abated. And the outside world became instantly calm. The effect was eerie.

Then, when the King saw that the storm was over, he went right back to his accustomed attitude of arrogance. And he hardened his heart. And his whole staff did likewise. So they would not release the workers, after all. It was just as the wild man predicted.

A few more ordeals

(Cont.)

And the wild man said to Moses: “Go seek an appointment with the King, and tell him: ‘The volcano of potential has a message for you, O King: Release my workers, so that they may come and spend the weekend at my hillside. And if you refuse to grant this request, look: I will cram your whole country with frogs. That river that I recently turned to blood will now be instructed to vomit up its amphibians. “Increase and multiply,” I will command them; “for I will make your seed as abundant as the sands upon the shore, or as the stars in the sky.” Verily, I will sign a contract with them, and these frogs shall breed till they burst your borders. Your country will suddenly become Frog Mecca. It will be like Alfred Hitchcock’s movie The Birds (1963), except with frogs. Just picture it: Frogs shall hop up and come into your house, and into your bedchamber, and onto your bed, and into the shelters of your servants, and upon your people, and into your ovens and your kneading-troughs and privy rooms. You will go to look inside your fridge, and frogs will fly out. Open your microwave: Ew, frogs! And they won’t keep their distance: they will not abide by humankind’s rules of politeness to respect your personal space: no, the frogs shall come up both onto you, and onto your people, and onto your maidservants. Many a fine lady shall find that frogs have hopped into her décolletage; and some will get their legs trapped in the cleavage. This will not be a pleasant experience.”

And the wild man said to Moses: “Tell Bryan to wave your wand over the streams, the rivers, the ponds, and the lakes, so that frogs come out and overrun the land.”

And Bryan waved his hands over all the waters, and frogs came out and covered the entire landscape.

But the King summoned the psychoanalysts from his intelligentsia, and they used their hypnotic spells of mesmerism to bring frogs up onto the land as well.

Then the King invited Moses and Bryan to the palace. And when they entered the royal throne room, the King said to them: “Look: my guys were able to do the same trick as you. It doesn’t take a Master of the Universe to cause frogs to come out of the water and become a nuisance. Now go back and petition your familiar spirit: ask that he take his frogs away from me and my people. And, for our part, I’ll have my guys clean up the frogs that we added. If you do this, I will tell the workers that they can attend the weekend meeting with their representative that you have been bothering me about.”

And Moses answered the King and said: “I’ll allow you this one victory over me. We will destroy all the frogs except the ones in the river – when exactly do you want this done by?”

And the King said: “Tomorrow.”

And Moses replied: “So be it. Now, when that time comes, and you look out and see that everything has been cleaned up just as you requested, I hope that then you realize how awesome and formidable our Volcano is. For the frogs will be gone from all your people’s houses and the land, and they will only remain in the waters.”

And Moses and Bryan left the King’s palace and went back to the fiery vortex on the side of the hill, outside the country; and Moses cried to the wild man with the overlong hair, because of the frogs that he employed to abuse the King.

And the wild man obeyed the voice of Moses, and he followed his instructions, so all the frogs died out of the houses, villages, and fields.

And they swept the dead frogs into heaps, and the whole country stank.

But when the King saw that everything had calmed down, and the emergency was over, he hardened his heart and would no longer listen to Moses and Bryan, just like the wild man predicted.

And the wild man with the goat eyes said to Moses: “Say to Bryan: ‘Wave your wand and strike the dust of the land, so that all the particles of dust become lice.’”

And Bryan reached out with the wand in his hand and struck the dust of the earth, and all the dust at once turned into lice and infested all the people and animals. Every particle came alive, and lice swarmed all over the country.

Then all the King’s wizards and sorcerers and necromancers and psychoanalysts recited spells and employed enchantments: they used every miracle of modern science, but none of the subgroups of the intelligentsia could figure out how to bring forth lice. So there were lice on all the people and the animals.

And the intelligentsia said to the King: “This has all the hallmarks of a divine curse. We conclude that the Creator of All the Worlds is responsible. A plague of lice? That’s god-level depravity. Yes, this could only have been performed by the finger of the Demiurge.”

But the King’s heart was hardened, so he was not convinced. It was just as the wild man predicted.

And the wild man from the vortex now instructed Moses, saying: “Get up early in the morning and go and wait in the area outside the royal palace where the King usually bathes. Confront him when he’s vulnerable. As he takes off his robe and prepares to dip into the water, stand before him and proclaim: ‘The Volcano asks you to release the working class, so that they can meet with him in the outlands.’ And then deliver this ultimatum – say, ‘If you refuse to give my workers a break, then look: I will send swarms of flies all over your people and your country. Swarms of flies, swarming everywhere. Except for the southern metropolitan areas of Eagan, Burnsville, Rosemount, and Apple Valley, where my workers all live – in those places, there shall be no flies. There will only be flies were YOU live, in Edina, and places like that. You and your ruling-class elites. I will swarm you with flies. That’s how you’ll know that I am the Volcano, filled with potential and possibility surging up from the midst of the planet. And I will segregate my workers from all your owners, overseers, and administrators. This will happen tomorrow. Be there.’”

And the wild man did as he promised. There buzzed a revolting swarm of flies straight into the King’s royal palace, and into the residences of the professional managerial class. And flies swarmed all over the country. And life in those places became incredibly annoying, because of all the flies; and there was a sharp drop in tourism.

So the King made an appointment with Moses and Bryan, and when they appeared in his throne room, he said to them: “Why don’t you have your weekend worker’s get-together right here? I’ll let you use one of my buildings in Edina. You don’t need to cross the border and leave the country.”

And Moses answered: “That is not a viable option, O King. For what we plan on saying and doing at our Volcano Labor Festival will offend the rentiers and creditors in your country. And if they hear and see us partaking in these things that we intend to say and do, they will react the way that you owners always react: they will destroy us. Bryan and I will get assassinated, and then you will use everything from subtle poisons to brute violence on the rest of the workforce, until they’re all dispatched as well. You will simply kill everyone who is troublesome. Murder is your modus operandi. It always has been. You slaughtered the prophets, as Jesus said. You’re cold-blooded vipers. So, no, we need to be able to go on a journey at least three days outside of the country, to meet with our frontman in the remote areas. He lives on a hill.”

And the King said: “Fine, I will allow the workers to go outside the country, on a leave of absence, for a three-day weekend. But just don’t go too far away. And require your Volcano to get rid of all these flies.”

And Moses answered: “Look, we’re leaving now; I’ll ask the Volcano to remove the flies from your land, so that their swarms no longer infest your palace and all the houses of your elite friends. I’ll see if we can have them gone by tomorrow. But you have got to stop dealing so dishonestly with us, about this matter of releasing the workers for a holiday.”

And Moses left the King and went to deliver his request to the wild man.

And the wild man performed everything that Moses asked of him: he removed the swarms of flies from the King and from the land. There remained not one.

But the King hardened his heart after this, as well; neither would he grant the workers their holiday.

Two ordeals

(Cont.)

Now, earlier, the man with the goat eyes and rust-hued body had prepared Moses and Bryan for certain challenges that he reckoned the King would pose during their upcoming meeting. And the wild man said:

“When the King tries to prove that you have no power in the world, by daring you to summon up the Devil from out of his grave, so that the Devil shall stand before you alive in the flesh, then here is what you shall do: Bryan, you shall wave the wand that Moses gave to you, and it shall cause the Devil to resurrect, and he shall defy death and stand before you in person.”

Then Moses and Bryan went to meet with the King in the throne room, and they did what the wild man had instructed: Bryan waved his magic wand, and the Devil appeared, hale and restored to his former glory.

But then the King invited all the necromancers from his intelligentsia to enter the room. Now, look: the King’s wizards cause the Devil to stand there as well. This is because every man consists of a self and its doppelganger; a spark and shadow; an evil twin and its alter ego. Likewise, there is a good Devil and a bad Devil. So the trick that Bryan and Moses had been instructed to perform was not enough to impress the King. Instead, their Devil now needed to beat the Devil of the necromancers in a duel; like the all-night contest that the patriarch Israel won, when the mysterious god who looked like Yahweh ambushed him in his apartment, yet Israel bested him; and this victory earned for Israel his title “the god of gods.”

So all the wizards had waved their wands, and each one had caused another Devil to rise: but, once the tournament began, Bryan’s Devil swallowed up all the Devils of the Empire.

And yet the King’s heart was hardened, so that he remained unimpressed with Moses’ and Bryan’s display of omnipotence; and he would not listen to them, just like the wild man had predicted.

And when the results of this attempt were relayed to the wild man, he said to Moses: “The King’s heart is hardened: he still refuses to release the workers. Go back there in the morning – look: he shall come out to bathe in the river. You shall be standing there at the shoreline to greet him. Now, remember the wand that I gave you – the one that caused the Devil to resurrect in the flesh: Take this wand in your hand, and say to the King, “The working people’s volcano of potential has sent me to you, to deliver this message: ‘Release my laborers; allow them an extended weekend to come and visit me in the backveld. And consider how, all along, you have continuously refused to grant my request.’ Now listen to the words of omnipotence: ‘Here is how you shall know that I truly am the Volcano. Watch: I will wave my wand in the water, and this whole river will be turned into lava. Glowing red-hot molten rock. – However, since I don’t want you to boil to death while you are bathing, because I am merciful, I will substitute blood for lava. So all the water in the river will be changed into blood, instead. And all the fish in the river will die, and the river will stink; and all the citizens of your country will strongly dislike the taste of the river, when they use its water for drinking or to cook with.’”

And the wild man further said to Moses: “Tell Bryan to take the wand and do everything that I instructed you. I want all the water in the country to turn to blood – so blood will be in the ponds and streams and pools and lakes and each river and tributary; and all the faucets of every home shall gush with blood, when you turn them on. If someone attempts to take a shower, blood will spray out of the nozzle overhead. And anyone who has a water-filtration system installed in their home shall find that it is clogged with blood, so that, when one tries to dispense clean water, only blood oozes out. And if one fails to clean up quickly any blood that has spilled, it will coagulate and leave unsightly stains.”

So Moses and Bryan did what the volcano of potential instructed: Bryan waved the wand in the water, right when the King was taking his bath, and all the King’s counsellors were there too, so they saw it: and all the water in the river turned to blood. And all the fish that were in the river died and went belly-up and floated there congesting the stream, and the whole country stank. And the population could not find any water to drink – for there was only blood everywhere. It was a vampire’s wet dream.

But the sorcerers of the King’s intelligentsia were able to replicate this powerful display, and they accomplished the very same trick with their spells that they cast. So the King’s heart remained hardened against Moses and Bryan, and he still refused to listen to their prayer: it was just as the wild man had said that it would be.

And the King simply turned and went back into his palace, paying no attention to the disaster.

And all the people of Egypt ended up digging new wells and aqueducts, in order to find fresh supplies of drinking water; because the water in the river remained contaminated like this for a full seven days, once the Volcano had befouled it.

Initial snags in negotiating for the release of the working populace

(Cont.)

Now Bryan and Moses attended their appointment with the King of the Empire. They stood in the throne room and explained that they had recently encountered an hypostasis from the wilds who is, as yet, unknown to the Empire, and who claims to be the minder of the class of people that the King has oppressed. “Here is the message that we were charged to deliver from this Radical New Champion of the Labor Force: ‘Allow my people to have some time off, some paid leave, so that they may go on a vacation outside of the Empire and join me where I live, in the back country, for a feast.’ In other words, declare a holiday, and allow all the workers to observe it.”

And the King of the Empire answered them, saying: “Let me get this straight. You want me to let my whole working population abandon their labors, thus bringing the entire economy to a halt, just to honor the whim of some nameless Wildman whom you met last weekend in the hinterlands?”

“He’s not nameless,” Moses replied. Whereupon Bryan shot an inquisitive look at his companion and mouthed: “He’s not?” And, while motioning for Bryan to hush, Moses addressed the King himself, saying: “My spokesman here only meant that he is unknown to us civilized Egyptians. The Midianites are familiar with him. His name is Yahweh.” At this, Bryan’s countenance became even more questioning; but Moses motioned for his partner to keep calm.

The King of the Empire laughed: “Now I’m intrigued! You expect me to placate the hicks’ volcano god? That’s what this appointment was about? Alright, Moses, I can only assume that you boys in the brainwashing sector, on the rebellious fringe of the intelligentsia, are up to more of your psychological trickery: dabbling in the fabrication of religions with the mad aim of regime change. Am I warm? This is certainly some rogue operation that you’ve concocted because you’ve all finally gone and lost your heads. You guys will strategize yourselves inside-out, won’t you; until up is down and bad is good: anything to avoid admitting defeat. I bet you could take a common crucified criminal and spin his death as a catholic victory, with your zany propaganda. All your convoluted theologies and topsy-turvy talk. But I’ll humor you, this time, since you’re managing to amuse me – I’ll give you an answer, because I like to playact. Give ear now, listen: So your idol Yahweh requests that I release his people? Well I say: Who is this Yahweh, that I should grant his supplications? I know no Yahweh, neither will I declare your harebrained holiday.”

And they answered the King: “But this deity really did meet with us. Let the workers go, please, we beg you! Just one extended weekend that they can spend in the desert – no more than three days: Friday thru Sunday. Or Saturday thru Monday, if you prefer. They truly need to hold a feast with their divine keeper: otherwise, he might plague us all with sickness and warfare – for those are the punishments that gods can inflict.”

And the King of the Empire said: “Why do you two care what happens to my labor force? Get out of my sight – go back to work, yourselves!” And he slammed down his scepter, causing the royal guards to drive Moses and Bryan out of the throne room.

Then the King of the Empire turned to his inner council of advisors and said, “Behold, the working peoples of the land are abundant now; and they all share the same language and purpose. And they’re all connected by way of the Internet. We can see where this is heading, can we not? If we superiors do not ramp up their oppression, they are liable to resurrect democracy and become like us, enjoying fraternity, equality, and liberty. Send, therefore, a memo out to all taskmasters and overseers: tell them to increase the burden of labor upon the populace, so that everyone must work longer hours for less pay. Slash their benefits; loot their pension accounts. Ruin their healthcare system. And if they dare to complain, or request again to meet with their commie Wildman in the backwoods, then crank the heat up even more – make it unbearable. I’m determined to break these peoples’ will. For I refuse to watch my dystopia become emparadised by a workers’ revolution.”

So the taskmasters and overseers went into the Empire and squeezed the working class like a vice clamp. The people cried, and their torments redoubled.

The leaders and representatives of the unions of the oppressed peoples of the Empire then made an appointment with the King. “O King,” they cried, “what is the reason for this crackdown? The labor conditions have become so harsh that it is literally, physically impossible for us to survive out there, let alone to get any work done. Please be reasonable and lighten our burdens; stop the abuse: show some mercy.”

But the King said: “You are all idle and lazy. You have been spoiled, and now you act entitled. Instead of laboring, you lean and loafe at your ease, thinking that I will grant you an extra-long weekend to meet in the woods with your socialist savior. Isn’t that what you’re thinking? Well, then think again. I will make this earth a living hell for you people.”

After hearing this answer and having experienced the wretched new state of affairs, all the labor leaders and representatives of the unions then called Moses and Bryan and said: “We need to talk. Now. Whatever you said to the King during your last appointment made matters much worse in the working world: our plight is unconscionable. This is your fault.”

And Bryan said, “Alright, we’ll all sit down together and have a conference – how about brunch: the usual place, eleven o’clockish.”

So the labor leaders and union reps met with Moses and Bryan at a restaurant on the outskirts, and they said to them: “Look, they’re seriously trying to murder us! What on earth have you two done!?”

Then Moses went back to the vortex on the hill and addressed the wild man with the goat eyes: “Why have you treated this people so evilly!? What is the real reason you sent me? For, ever since I met with the King and told him all that you told me to tell him, in your name, he has increased his cruelty tenfold upon the workers. Neither have you delivered your people at all!”

And the wild man with the rust-hued body said to Moses: “Ah, now you shall see what I will do to the King of the Empire. For, because of my greater might, he will release the people; and, because of my greater might, he will let them leave the land.”

Then the wild man growled and said: “I am the volcano of potential. I dwell in possibility. And I had dealings with your precursors – Abram, Israel, Joseph: they knew me as one of the heroes of heaven, and, as you have written, they called me by the name of Yahweh, which you yourself also deemed fit to do; that is neither here nor there; but, not until now have I appeared to anyone in this livery of the Volcano. I made a deal with your precursors, those patriarchs whom I just named, and we signed a contract. I have also been well aware of their descendants’ maltreatment at the hands of the Empire’s King, who sides with the rentier class. And I remember the terms of our contract; therefore, go back and say to the workers of the land: ‘I, the Volcano, will rescue you from your harsh conditions, and I will rid you of your creditors and set you free from your debt-servitude, so that you will no longer need to slave and grind all day. I will do this by displaying awful marvels and miraculous judgments. You and I will then meet in person and embrace as friends. I will take you to me for a people, and I will be to you as a god. And I will advocate for you, and save you from hardship, and help you meet all your necessities, and you will then know that I am the volcano of potential.”

So Moses returned to the Empire and met with the overtaxed workers. But they would not listen to Moses, because they were in agony after being compelled to labor under such inhuman conditions.

Moses therefore returned and spoke to the wild man in the vortex yet again. And the man replied: “Go and set up another appointment with the King of the Empire, and demand that he permit the workers to take an extended vacation outside of the country.”

And Moses stood before the wild man and said: “See here – take a moment to think about this predicament that I’m in. For the workers of the land refused to heed my message; so why in the world would the King of the Empire listen to what I say – especially since I speak with uncircumcised lips!”

The wild man stood in the vortex and blinked his goat eyes. “Uncircumcised lips? Do you mean your speech impediment? I thought that we solved this problem already. Was it not established that your comrade Bryan would do the talking? Did we not appoint him to handle all public relations? Why are you going off on your own and presiding over crucial meetings without your charismatic prophet? Call Bryan over here, now. I want to address the both of you at once.”

Moses therefore journeyed to a nearby tavern and stepped into the phone booth.

And when Moses returned to the hillside, lo, Bryan was already there at the fiery entrance of the vortex, talking and laughing with the wild man.

Now that the three were reunited, the long-haired wild man gave instructions to Moses and Bryan: he told them to charge both the workers and the King to set loose the labor force from the Empire. “Take the workers out of the country, troop by troop,” he said, “according to their armies. For I plan to gather them here, on this hillside. Now, as to your concerns about delivering my message, Moses, I already explained: You shall pass on to Bryan, your shadow, whatever I command, and Bryan shall voice the speech to the King.”

Hearing this, Moses stood breathing silently with his mouth agape. So the wild man continued, saying:

“Then, I will harden the King’s heart, and greatly increase the amount of scandals and miraculous wiles that I perform within his country. Yes, the King shall not listen to you. But his unwillingness to cooperate will have nothing to do with the effectiveness of your rhetoric – no, it is simply a given that the King will react obstinately; and this will be so that I can bring forth my armies, my troops, my trial-hardened workers, from out of the land with spectacular judgments. And the ruling class of that land shall finally know that I AM THE VOLCANO OF POTENTIAL, when I unleash my powers of possibility upon the country, and free all the workers.”

So Moses and Bryan followed the wild man’s instructions to a T.

And Moses was 80 years of age, and Bryan was 83, when they addressed the Empire’s King.

Hashing out a game plan with the wild man from the vortex